The Bookkeeper Chimes In (Again) -- Relationships

Like it or not, every interaction in our day-to-day lives constitutes a relationship.

That surly young man behind the cash register at the gas station – yep, though only briefly, you were totally in a relationship with him.

And while not every relationship is as consequential as the next, every relationship reflects the power dynamic at work within it.  

That is, control.

A positive relationship reflects shared control of where that relationship is headed.

A successful relationship reflects a power dynamic that is fluid.

Maybe Gas Station Lad wouldn’t be quite so surly if he perceived shared control in the scores of relationships he finds himself in over the course of his day.

Maybe not.

The point is, conflict often arises in a relationship because one or the other party perceives a lack of control over the destination of that relationship.

Often, however, by the time a relationship reaches mediation, not only have circumstances and dynamics changed, but the relationship itself is an entirely different equation.   The relationship that remains post-divorce no longer just reflects the power dynamics within it, but has become consumed by the singular issue of control.

Mediation counters this by taking the issue of control off the table.  The emphasis is on cooperation rather than compromise because mutual goals are the focus, not the relationship.

Mediation isn’t a cure-all, of course, and your mediator isn’t Pollyanna.  Neither party is guaranteed to emerge fully satisfied and neither party is likely to emerge feeling victorious, but that isn’t the point in the first place.  

Mediation is about finding agreement and getting things done.  

Even Better: It’s true that one’s self-respect generally survive mediation with far fewer bruises than when left to courtrooms or the angry impulses of sarcastic text messages.

Self-respect survives, agreements are reached, and things get done.

Not a bad deal.