Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC

Is Mediation a Good Fit for You?

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 22:37:30 GMT

In many situations Mediation is a great solution, but not all the time

We love mediation around here. We have seen it resolve conflicts quickly and easily. We have seen our clients save a lot of money compared to the traditional litigation route. We have even seen parents drawn closer together so that they can have a great co-parenting relationship after mediation. But despite all that, there are some situations for which we just can’t recommend mediation.

First, let’s talk about when mediation might be a good fit for you and your situation:

· You and the other parent sincerely want what is best for your kids.

· You may be angry and hurt by the other parent, but your long-term goal is to get along for the sake of the kids (and yourself).

· Both of you are seeing the kids at least some of the time now.

Now let’s talk about when mediation might be a bad fit for you:

· The other parent seems determined to ruin your life, even if it hurts the kids in the process.

· The other parent is withholding the child from you and you have not seen your child for a period of time.

· You can’t trust the other parent not to lie, cheat and play dirty.

In situations like these, it is often wise to start with court intervention. You may need the court to make an emergency or temporary order to help put some ground rules in place. You may still attend court-ordered mediation at some point for up to four hours to resolve issues relating to the children. If the situation changes, you may want to try mediation for property issues as well, but you want to be sure that you have some level of trust in the other parent at that point.

We believe that mediation is a great option to resolve an entire divorce or parenting time case in most situations, but not every situation. If you have questions about whether your case is a good fit for mediation, please call our office and we will be happy to discuss it with you.

Remote Mediation by Phone or Zoom

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 22:38:13 GMT

Mediation can Happen in a Variety of Settings

Although most of our mediations are done in-person in our office with both parents present, we have a variety of options to allow access to mediation. Mediation is an outstanding way to resolve conflict in a divorce or parenting case. It can reduce stress, be less expensive and give the parents more control over the outcome of their case. By allowing other ways to mediate, we can help more families reap the benefits of family law mediation. Which of these options would work for you?

In-office but not together

Sometimes we have people who mediate with us in-person in our office but they can’t be in the same room. I can go back and forth between rooms to do the mediation. This is sometimes called “shuttle mediation.” This can be a good option for a parent who does not feel emotionally safe in the presence of the other parent.

One in the office, one on Zoom

When one parent is located far away, sometimes our best option is to have one person come to our office and allow the other person to attend by Zoom. This can also be a good option for when one parent does not feel physically safe in the presence of the other parent, even with neutral third-parties close by.

Both on Zoom or on the phone

I have been doing Zoom mediation since 2020. In my first Zoom mediation, I wondered how it would work. It turns out that it can work quite well for family mediation. In a divorce or parenting case, usually* the parents know each other quite well. That makes it easier for the parents to relate to each other over a platform like Zoom.

Although I usually like to start my mediations on Zoom, there have been a few cases in which we have started by Zoom and switched to the phone. I liked that we were able to see each other at first and get a feel for each other. We typically switch to phone if there are internet connectivity issues.

In my opinion Zoom works best when geographical distance makes an in-person meeting impractical or when the parents have only a few issues to resolve. For cases with many issues or high conflict, more Zoom sessions may be required. In my practice, I typically reserve two hours for a first-time mediation session in-person and just one hour for a first time Zoom mediation. Zoom fatigue is real and so more sessions may be required, even if the total time mediating stays the same.

If you have a unique situation and would like to explore how we can help you in mediation, please call our office. We would be happy to see what we can do to help.

*Sometimes parents have a child together after a very brief relationship. In that case, they may not know each other well. Mediation can be a good way to resolve the additional issues that may arise in those situations.

7 Wacky Things to Do instead of stew about the stupid thing your ex just did

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 14:00:00 GMT

Because pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice...

It is bound to happen. Your ex does something stupid. Maybe they let your 16 year old get a nose ring. Maybe their new partner caused a scene at the piano recital.

After you do what you can to address the situation (in a calm and mature fashion, of course) and after you vent to your safe person, make a commitment to yourself not to give your ex’s stupid actions rent-free space in your head. Because, although they might have gotten the house, the dog or the parenting time you wanted, they cannot and will not get to dominate your thoughts.

Here is our list of zany, off-the-wall (yet potentially helpful) ideas to do instead of stew:

1) Create a pair of Vans Customs . You don’t actually have to order the shoes. Just have fun playing with color and pattern for a while.

2) Get a kick in the seat of the pants from Steve Harvey.

3) Do what Steve Harvey recommends and write down your dream for your own life . Or create a vision board . If you have space in your head to dwell on what someone else has done, you have space to turn the channel of your thoughts and come up with a fantastic future for yourself.

4) Get physical. Go for a run. Or if you are home with the kids, do a home workout from YouTube with some buff fitness person or some less intimidating computer animated workout people.

5) Grab a cheap can of shaving cream and get sensory with fun shaving cream art projects .

6) Music is therapy for some people. If you have favorite songs, lose yourself in the tunes. Or turn on this playlist of wacky songs and have a dance party in the living room.

7) Not for nothing do they say laughter is the best therapy. Head to Netflix or YouTube for some rolling on the floor, side-splitting distraction.

Whatever you decide to do, as En Vogue tells us, free your mind and the rest will follow .

Top Reasons to Stay on Good Terms with your Ex

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 22:15:00 GMT

Do All that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Beyond the general advantages of living at peace with everyone, staying on good terms with your ex or soon-to-be ex offers definite advantages. You may have to turn the proverbial other cheek, offer forgiveness when they let you down, and let conflict roll off of you like water off a duck’s back, but it could be worth it.

1) Less Stress.

Living in conflict is a big energy drain. When that conflict is with someone who was once close to you, that can magnify the effect on your energy and mood. Those factors alone are enough to help you decide not to sweat the small stuff.

2) You might need help someday.

When you are going through your case, you might need to make some major changes for your own financial good. You might need to sell a car with a large payment to get something more affordable. You might have a crisis and need childcare during your parenting time. In some cases, you will require your soon-to-be ex’s cooperation (trading-in a car in their name) and in other cases it is just good to have (trading parenting time if you end up in the hospital). When you have a good relationship with your ex, you can talk through these issues and get the support that you need.

3) It is worth it for your kids.

Conflict between parents causes stress for kids. Besides causing unhappiness, stress in children can lead to emotional outbursts, trouble sleeping and struggles in school. Reducing conflict between parents is good for kids, which in turn is good for you!

We have found that handling your case through mediation is an excellent way to resolve existing conflicts and reduce future conflicts. We do mediation for initial divorce or parenting plan, but we can also do mediation for issues that arise after your case. Call us today to see if we can help you.

Tips to Weather the Financial Storm in your Divorce

Wed, 11 Oct 2023 20:44:30 GMT

You can make it through this time of financial transition

Often when parents go through a divorce or never-married parents separate, there can be a pinch financially. The same amount of money is now going to support two households. When you add in legal fees and, potentially, counseling, this can be a recipe for financial stress.

Here are a few steps that you can take to get back on track and weather this storm:

1. Remind yourself that this is only temporary.

You will learn how to adjust your expenses. You can develop new sources of income. Keeping a positive money mindset helps you get to where you want to be more quickly and sets a good example for your children. Look up affirmations about money or prosperity online and keep those phrases ready to repeat to yourself if you start to despair. “I am a money-magnet” and “Money comes to me quickly and easily” are much better things to tell yourself than “I am so broke” or “Life sucks.”

2. Find new sources of fun.

Yes, it was fun to go to Holiday World every summer, to the movies every weekend and to Florida once a year. You will be able to do those things again. In the meantime, explore some new sources of fun. Check out your library for books, movies and programs. Pack some sandwiches and have a picnic at the park. Develop a tradition around foods you can make at home (homemade pancakes on Saturday morning – yum!). Create your own 30-hard or 30-soft challenge that you can do as a family on the days you have the kids. Help your kids learn new skills by watching videos on YouTube. The possibilities for free fun are endless if you stop to think about it.

3. Find new sources for stuff.

Fortunately for us, we live in one of the most affluent cultures in the world at one of the most affluent times in history. We have luxuries that kings could only dream about four hundred years ago. (Think air conditioning, cars, air travel, the internet, Netflix.) Not only is it possible to get a great outfit or piece of furniture second hand at an amazing price, it is pretty easy. Check out garage sales, consignment shops , auctions, Facebook Marketplace, ask friends and family. Added bonuses: this can be a lot of fun and is good for the earth.

4. Bring in the green.

I recommend this to anyone, even if they are swimming in bathtubs full of money. Go cut some branches from your yard and put them in a container in your house. You can put them in every room in the house if you like. You can use a vase you already have, a Mason jar or the glass jar from your pasta sauce. Fresh, green branches just add such a freshness and vitality to a home.

5. Remember that learning how to live without spending a lot of money is an excellent life lesson for your kids.

This can help your children in so many ways! From learning to focus on what is most important in life to developing skills for managing their own households, teaching kids to spend money wisely can reap benefits for their rest of their lives. Who knows, you may even inspire some of them on a FIRE (financial independence-retire early) journey .

Remember, one of the best ways to save on legal fees during your case is to agree to do mediation instead of litigation. If you and your children’s other parent are interested in mediation, call us today to set up a consultation.

In Conflict, are you Velcro or Teflon?

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 21:32:01 GMT

Your Approach to Conflict makes a difference

It is a familiar scenario to parents of small children – you pick up your child and the Velcro fastener on their shoe grabs hold of your sweater or shirt. Velcro works by pressing two strips together. One strip is covered with tiny hooks. The other strip is composed of tiny loops. When pressed together, the hooks grab the loops and the Velcro holds tightly together. Only an intentional tug will release the hold. The Velcro hooks do not discriminate between the loop part of the Velcro and other surfaces that have tiny loops. Many garments have been marred for life by a chance encounter with the “sticky” side of a Velcro fastener.

Conflict is the same way. A person who is hurt and angry often has their “hooks” out. They may be looking to pick a fight or hurt someone else. They may just be seeking relief from their pain in an ineffective manner. What you need to decide when someone is trying to hook into you is if you want to be Velcro or Teflon? You can allow that person to hook you and ruin your day, your week or your year. Or you can stay smooth to give them nothing to hook onto. Velcro does not stick to a Teflon coated pan, a countertop or any other smooth surface.

How to approach Conflict Without getting hooked in

Listen without reacting. Even if they are experiencing drama or creating it, you do not have to become a part of it. You can watch as a calm, neutral spectator.

Don’t fight fire with fire. They might yell, they might call you names or they may say really unfair things. Try to respond only with comments that are true and helpful . You can respond as a calm, neutral spectator.

Keep your mind in a good place. They might threaten to take actions that you do not want. Refuse to allow your own fears to run away with you. Make the decision to keep your mind in a positive place . You can be a calm, neutral spectator.

The hard news is that you may have to do this again and again. The good news is that by not linking into their conflict you can hold space for them to move out of that desire for conflict into a more productive way of relating. It is also possible that they will not move out of the desire for conflict but they will move away from trying to start a problem with you and on to some other situation in their life. Either way, you have preserved your peace of mind and prevented bigger problems from taking over your life.

Talking to Kids

Fri, 30 Jun 2023 21:17:06 GMT

I ran across this article today about Mr. Rogers being incredibly intentional about the words he spoke to his young audience in his televised show. (If you are not familiar with Mr. Roger's Neighborhood you can watch clips on YouTube.) Mr. Rogers knew that small children take the words that adults say very literally. He also knew that children often take their own thoughts and perceptions very seriously. The article I linked to above lists the nine-step process that Rogers and his staff used to make sure that their scrips were just right for talking to kids. If you have a young child or you regularly work with kids, this is well worth a read.

Although you and I cannot filter every word we say to the young children in our lives through a nine-step process, this article got me thinking about how we can be more mindful of what we say to children and others. Mr. Rogers continued to educate himself and get help from experts. He was open to the input and perspectives of others so that he could reach children more effectively.

In the information age we live in, it would be easy to set a goal of reading one online article per week about communicating with children, or parenting teens, or raising stepchildren. My challenge to you is to pick an area where you want to improve and then set a phone reminder to pop up weekly to remind you to read your article. (I just set my reminder to read an article a week about helping reluctant readers.)

Do you have an area on which you plan to focus?

You are the expert

Fri, 14 Apr 2023 16:56:03 GMT

You Know Your LIFE Better than your Lawyer or Judge Ever Will

I just took a telemarketing call from someone wanting to tell me how to get a “preeminent” rating from their service. I told him that that did not fit with who we are as a firm. Although I could not explain it to him at the time, here is the reason why. The “preeminent” rating is meant to say to clients, future clients and other attorneys that “I am the expert.” (Lawyers are not supposed to say that they are the experts directly but this is a way to say it without saying it.) It says, trust me, do what I say and pay my fees (no matter how outrageous they may be).

Why does that not fit with who we are at Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC? Because we are not the experts, our clients are. Yes, we have a lot of valuable expertise, knowledge and wisdom that can help get the job done. There is no doubt that we know things that our clients don’t. That is why they come to us for guidance. But as mediator Tammy Lenski says, “People are experts in their own experience.”

There is a big difference between telling someone what to do because you are the expert and challenging someone to look at something in a new way. We prefer to take the second route. We respect that people are the experts on their own situations, but we come to the situation with fresh eyes. We can say, “What would happen if you did this?” Or, “What makes you think that?” Or, “Have you thought about this?”

We believe that the people who choose to work with us want to be their very best selves. They might be stuck now, but they want to do better for themselves and their families. When we work together, using what our clients know and what we know, we have the greatest chance of reaching an outcome that will work for everyone and that will give everyone involved the opportunity to become the person they were meant to be.

Walk it Out

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 14:00:07 GMT

An On-the-Go Tool for Resolving Conflict

I have mentioned before that mediators have a "toolbox" of ways to help resolve conflict. Today's idea does not seem like one that will work in a mediation session but might be a practical idea for life outside the mediator's office.

David G. Myers reports in his new book, How Do We Know Ourselves?: Curiosities and Marvels of the Human Mind , about a study that suggests "walking together can facilitate both the intra- and interpersonal pathways to conflict resolution."

This study by Christine Webb, Maya Rossignac-Milon and E. Tory Higgins showed that the benefits of walking to resolve conflict include:

Walking reduces stress;

Walking boosts mood;

Walking increases creativity;

Walking takes away the face-to-face element of the conversation allowing for a softened boundary between people and a chance for more comfortable self-disclosure;

Walking is the very embodiment of forward movement, something that you need when you are stuck in conflict.

So next time you are in an argument with your partner, parent or child, consider going for a walk with them. I can see co-parents doing this very naturally at their child's sporting event when they take a walk to discuss an important issue. How else could you use this idea to help bring peace to your family?

Magic Words to Help Co-Parenting

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 18:39:49 GMT

Phrases that Help With Co-Parenting

Whether you are newly separated and just starting your co-parenting adventure or you have been successfully co-parenting for years, sometimes communication issues pop up. Here are some simple phrases that might help:

Softened Start Ups for Making a Request

When you need to make a request of your co-parent, introduce a topic for discussion or make a joint decision, consider these phrases as gentle ways to open the conversation:

"Would you be willing to ..."

"Would you be up for..."

"I'd love it if ..."

"Would you consider..."

Or you can take an alternate strategy and, counterintuitively, go for a "no" to your opening question. According to former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss , people are often to reluctant say "yes" to a request, so going for an early "no" can open the door. You can say something like,

"Would it be totally crazy if..."

Encourage Dialogue

For times when you need to keep a discussion going, consider these phrases:

"Help me Understand"

"Say more About ..."

"I could be wrong"

"You could be Right"

You Can Say No if you need to

Sometimes parents we work with are totally stressed by a request of the other parent. Sometimes that stress turns into a big conversation about "how could you even ask me that," or "don't you know all that I am doing right now." Sometimes all that is needed is a simple answer. Remember, it is ok for them to ask and it is ok for you to say no.

"No"

"I can't"

"Not now"

Empower the Other Parent

This next phrase can just be a good general encouragement to your co-parent or it can be a lifeline if you feel they are burying you in minutiae. When you want to empower the other parent in a decision they are making, try saying:

"I trust Your Judgement."

If you get Stuck, Get Help

If these simple phrases do not help you and your co-parent move through the issue you are facing, call us to make an appointment for mediation. If you already have your parenting plan in place and just need a little help with a specific issue that has popped up, we can often resolve the issue in an hour.

Additional Resource

I got some of these very excellent phrases from Hannah Brooks, a highly talented marriage coach and love expert . Check out her website and her podcast.

Move forward with our everything-you-need package for divorce mediation

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 20:44:45 GMT

Mediation already takes a lot of the stress out of the divorce process. We are offering a complete mediation package that will reduce the stress and uncertainties of your case even further. You can have the peace of mind that you will get everything you need for your divorce at one reasonable price.

Why A Divorce Mediation Package

When you are going through a divorce, there is a lot of uncertainty in your life. Your time with your kids, where you live and your household income might all be undergoing changes. The question of how much this divorce is going to cost you can be another huge stress point. We want to eliminate that issue upfront with our Everything-You-Need Divorce Mediation Package. With an upfront, flat fee, you will know what your divorce will cost so you can budget accordingly. Whether you and your spouse are paying for your mediation out a marital account, you are getting a loan or someone is giving you this money, you can rest assured that you will know the total cost upfront, bringing peace of mind to all involved.

What is included in the Everything-You-Need Divorce Mediation Package

Just like the name says, this package includes everything you need to get a divorce, plus some nice bonuses to make your life easier during this challenging time.

UNLIMITED* divorce mediation services to help you come to agreements on all those issues you are currently "stuck" on
An option for in-person meetings, Zoom meetings or phone conferences
Email contact directly with Julie
Professionally prepared documents, including a petition for dissolution of marriage
Filing fees for both parties (a value of up to $527.50)
E-filing of all documents with the court
A customized parenting plan that will be filed with the court
Major decision-making roles
Holiday schedule
Regular parenting time schedule
Summer schedules
Child support
Need-to-know state law provisions that may impact your family in the future
Provisions customized to the unique needs of your family and the wishes of both parents
A color-coded calendar for up to 2 years of parenting time so you can see your children's schedule at a glance
A one-year subscription for each parent to the Our Family Wizard app (a value of $288)
Securely message your child's other parent
Upload documents to share with your co-parent
Track and managed shared expenses
Communicate mindfully with the unique ToneMeter® Plus to help you send messages that are going to be well-received
Keep private journal entries for your own use
A thoughtfully drafted Marital Settlement Agreement that will be filed with the court
Deal with which spouse will pay each debt
Decide what will happen to the marital home
Determine whether maintenance is appropriate in your case
Divide personal property
Allocate Retirement Accounts
Make a plan for all other financial issues
A carefully prepared quit claim deed if one spouse is keeping the house
Filing of the quit claim deed with the correct county recorder and payment of the filing fee (a value of $75)
Drafting and submission of up to 2 Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDROs) to divide up retirement accounts**
Preparation of the Judgment for Dissolution of Marriage for the judge to sign
Presentation of signed, notarized documents to the court for counties allowing a divorce with no court appearance
Coaching on what to expect and how to handle court for counties requiring a court appearance to finalize the divorce
Access to our library of books and resources for families traveling the path of divorce
A copy of Healthy Children of Divorce in 10 Simple Steps: Minimize the Effects of Divorce on Your Children workbook for each parent (a value of over $30)

*Mediation is unlimited unless we reach an impasse in mediation. If a mediation gets to an impasse, it means that no progress can be made. If an impasse occurs, we will have to agree on another way forward.

***We are able to do all standard QDROs. For some more complex situations, especially those involving pension plans, we may need to refer you to an attorney with experience in these matters.

What Does the Everything-You-Need Divorce Mediation Package Cost

In our geographic area of Southern Illinois, the typical attorney's retainer for a divorce is $3500-5000. If both you and your spouse hire attorneys to handle your divorce, collectively you will be paying at least $7,000 upfront for your divorce and there is no guarantee that it will be finished for that amount. A string of court dates, discovery and other factors could easily push this amount to $10,000 or $20,000 to wrap up your case.

Our all-inclusive divorce mediation package is $3500 . For one flat fee, you know that you and your spouse will have everything you need from start to finish.

Can I have My Personal Attorney Review Our Agreement?

Absolutely! Each spouse can take the final mediation agreements to the attorney of their choice to have the agreement reviewed. Most attorneys will handle the review of the agreements on an hourly basis and will not charge you a full retainer for this work.

You can even hire an attorney to give you feedback and guidance during the mediation process. Most of our clients do not find that to be something that they want to do, but that is an option for anyone going through mediation.

Is there Anyone This Package Is Not For?

This package is designed for the typical family with one or two adults who are employed by someone else. For cases in which the division of a business or working farm is at issue, please ask us about our Small Business Owners and Farmers Package.

Also if you and your spouse already have agreements on every single issue in your divorce, you don't need mediation. Mediation is a process for helping to reach agreements when the parties do not already agree. If you agree on all the issues, ask us about our uncontested divorce packages.

How Can I Know IF Mediation IS Right For Me?

Call our office and talk to one of our friendly legal assistants, Dee or Tristen. They can answer your questions and schedule you for a one hour consultation for $250. You can meet with Julie one-on-one before raising the subject of mediation with your spouse if you would like, or both spouses can meet with Julie together. If you decide to move forward with mediation, we will credit the $250 consultation fee toward the package price. If you don't decide to move forward with mediation, you will still gain insights into your legal situation and get suggestions on how to move forward.

We look forward to talking to you! 618-242-9580

What is Mediate to Stay Together?

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 22:25:24 GMT

You've heard of Divorce Mediation or Mediation to make a parenting plan, but what is Mediate to Stay Together?

If you are on our website, you are probably familiar with the idea of mediating to reach a settlement in a divorce or to make a parenting plan. You might have never heard of the idea of mediating to stay together. I will explain why mediating to stay together is a good idea for some couples and how it works.

Why Choose Mediate to Stay Together

When unresolved conflict threatens a relationship, many people think parting ways is their only option. In reality, there might be some very strong reasons to keep the family unit intact. Some people do not like the idea of not seeing their kids every single day. Others shudder at the thought of dividing their hard-earned assets. Many people have years of shared history with their partner and long to keep the familiarity of the relationship.

We have many clients who have joked over the years that they are getting along better after mediation than they were before and "maybe we should stay together." This doesn't have to be a joke. This can be reality for couples who mediate to stay together. Conflict is no fun but mediation offers a safe space with a trained professional to help you through the conflict so you can move forward to better times together.

Regardless of your personal motivation (the kids, money, fondness for your spouse), mediating to stay together can help resolve the conflict so you can live the life you want to live.

How Does Mediate to Stay Together Work

If you and your partner are interested in trying mediation, we will book a one hour consultation session. At that session, we will discuss what mediation is, what issues are you having and whether both partners are interested in moving forward with mediation. We will answer each person's questions and make sure each of you understands the process.

If you both decide that you want to move forward with mediation, we will sign an agreement to mediate and make a game plan for how to move forward. We will schedule your first mediation session. We will usually meet together for mediation sessions, but there may be times when individual meetings with me will help us move forward most efficiently. We have the option of in-person meetings, Zoom meetings, phone conferences and emails.

How is Mediate to Stay Together Different than Couples Counseling

As a mediator, my mission is to help you resolve conflict. With that as the goal, we are very "future focused" in mediation. We talk about the past only long enough to give me a sense of where we are now. We try not to get bogged down with what happened in the past. In a very real sense, the past is over. We want to focus on now and on the future so that you can make your dreams come true.

One of the most helpful parts of having a mediator work with you to resolve your conflicts is that we keep the discuss on track. When you and your partner are trying to reach a resolution on your own, often the conversation gets diverted into other issues. Having the discussion go from whether Aiden should play basketball this year to why we did not go to your mother's house for Thanksgiving last year usually only intensifies the conflict. Mediators can keep the discussion on track so that we can make a decision about the issue at hand before moving on to other subjects.

As a lawyer-mediator, I can draft an agreement so that you can memorialize your agreements in written form. For those wanting a document that would be legally binding in court, we can even draft a post nuptial agreement which each partner can have reviewed by an attorney of their own choosing.

Call us if you would like to set up a consultation for Mediate to Stay Together

We would love to work with you to resolve your conflicts so that you can live you best life. As you can see, there are many benefits to mediating to stay together for those who have the inclination to do so. Let us guide you through the process so you can resolve your conflicts and move forward to a better life.

It's not over until it's win-win-win

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Fri, 16 Sep 2022 21:23:55 GMT

If it is not win-win-win, you’re not done yet. Anthea C. Stratigos

This quote caught my eye in Anthea Stratigos’ book, Magic in the Mundane . Stratigos was not talking about mediation. She was explaining their family philosophy of making sure everyone gets a say and that no one is sacrificing. But her quote is perfectly applied to mediation. Until dad, mom and the kids all have what they need in an agreement, our work in mediation is not done.

What I particularly like about Stratigos’ philosophy is that it is non-judgmental and very practical. She doesn’t say, “If it is not win-win-win, you have failed.” Her approach is to roll up your sleeves and keep working. Don’t give up short of the goal line.

Often at the courthouse when we make an agreement to settle a case, I will hear the other attorney or the judge say, “If both of you are unhappy about something, we have done our jobs.” The idea is that you can’t get everything you want and still make an agreement, so each person is going to be unhappy about something or some things.

Does it have to be that way? Do our agreements need to make us fundamentally unhappy? How do we settle a case with people with different viewpoints and desires and allow everyone to feel content with the outcome?

One way we do this is by realizing the difference between positions and interests. Both parents may not be able to stick to their original positions and still reach a win-win-win agreement, but very often we can accommodate the interests of all involved. Here are some examples of the differences between positions and interests:

Position : I need my child’s other parent to drop him off to me at 5:30 pm in Ina, Illinois.

Interest : I need to set up an exchange time and location that will accommodate my work schedule.

Position : I want my children every weekend.

Interest : I want to have quality time with my children so that we can build lasting memories. (The deeper interest might be: I want my children to have a happy childhood that they can look back on fondly when they are adults and have children of their own.)

As you can see from the above examples, positions tend to be narrower and more rigid. Ironically, parents can win their positions but not meet their interests. It’s like the old saying, “You can win the battle and lose the war.”

Our job in mediation is to work together to help uncover each parent’s interests and those of the children so that we can craft a parenting plan that is going to be win-win-win for everyone.

An Idea from Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell

Fri, 17 Jun 2022 22:00:10 GMT

Trust is Good

"To assume the best about another is the trait that has created modern society. Those occasions when our trusting nature gets violated are tragic. But the alternative -- to abandon trust as a defense against predation and deception -- is worse."

Who attends a mediation?

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 17:40:51 GMT

In a family mediation, who should attend? In most of the mediations we do, only the two parents and the mediator attend the mediation. Sometimes the parents find it helpful to have other people participate in mediation.

My practice as a mediator is to allow other people to attend the mediation if both parents agree and if it will be helpful to reaching a resolution. In some cases, we have had a new spouse or significant other attend the mediation. In other cases, a grandparent has attended.

My general rules are 1) both mediation participants need to agree to allow the third party to attend, and 2) the third party has to be helpful for reaching a resolution.

We often have a situation in which one person wants their new spouse to attend and the other participant refuses. In that situation, the new spouse will not be attending. I do allow my mediation clients to take breaks if desired during our sessions. If you want the support and advice of your spouse and the other parent refuses to allow them to attend, feel free to take a break and call your support person.

If you have a special intellectual or emotional need and require the assistance of a support person during the mediation, talk to me before the mediation so that we can determine if a special accommodation needs to be made for your situation.

The main agreements must be made by the two parents in a parenting mediation, but sometimes other individuals can be helpful to reaching a resolution. This is especially true if the other individuals are heavily involved in the life of the child.

In our geographic area it is not common for attorneys to attend the family law mediation with their clients. Some attorneys will talk to their clients before the mediation so that the clients know what to expect. Most of the time, the attorneys get the agreement after the mediation and prepare the paperwork to turn the agreement into a court order. For cases in which clients come to us directly for mediation, we can prepare the paperwork for the court.

Can Mediation Be Done Separately?

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 17:58:11 GMT

My usual practice as a family law mediator is for me to meet with both parents in the same room (whether in an in-person room or a Zoom room) at the same time. The reason I do this is because my ultimate goal is to increase trust and communication between the parents. Although that may seem impossible in a tense divorce or parenting conflict, we have often seen yelling, cussing parents walk out smiling and laughing after a good mediation session. I realize that, as a mediator, I have a valuable service to parents and families, and I realize that I will not always be around to help with communication. That is why we like to move toward increased communication between parents during our sessions.

That said, we have had mediations in which we have achieved an agreement through what is called “shuttle mediation.” In shuttle mediation, the parents are not in the same physical (or virtual) space. The mediator “shuttles” back and forth between the two clients, relaying information to them one at a time.

Advantages of Shuttle Mediation

Physical Safety

We once had a client who swore she would hurt the other parent if they were in the same room together. While I like to think she was not really serious about following through on her words, we did shuttle mediation to eliminate any concern of things getting out of hand.

If there is a credible threat of violence, we have to evaluate if mediation is the right option. Both parties in mediation have to be able to voice their own concerns and desires. Sometimes shuttle mediation can help with this. If both parties are able to express themselves in the mediation process despite a history of violence, we can use virtual methods, such as Zoom, to conduct the mediation.

Emotional Safety

I think it is fair to say that most people who come to us for help have been through emotional pain and suffering in relation to their child’s other parent. We encourage everyone to try a joint session, even though it might be painful. The opportunity for growth that will help your child is a huge upside that will make it worth it.

But what about situations in which there is just too much hurt and no capacity to move through it? What about parents who have not spoken for literally years? Shuttle mediation can be a good option.

I once turned one of our joint sessions into a shuttle mediation and reached a resolution. One parent felt intense hurt from the other parent’s extramarital activities and was lashing out during the mediation. By providing a little physical space, the parents were able to reach agreements that benefited their children.

Disadvantages to Shuttle Mediation

Takes longer.

Having to go back and forth between the two parents and repeat what is said takes more time than having everyone together in the same room.

Possibility for miscommunication

Even with a skilled, conscientious mediator, there is a possibility for miscommunication when the mediator is going back and forth between the parents.

So yes, mediation in parenting cases can be done separately. Although for most of our cases we see great benefits to mediating together, there are some cases in which shuttle mediation can work miracles.

If you think you have reasons why shuttle mediation might be best for your case, please let us know when you call to schedule your mediation.

Just Another Boring Day -- Gratitude in Everything

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Wed, 29 Dec 2021 23:47:56 GMT

As I type this it is December 29, 2021. We have just received news that two people shot and killed a Wayne County Sheriff’s deputy and then continued to hijack a truck driver, shoot another driver and take a hostage. Our thoughts and prayers turn to all who are involved.

And now my heart turns to gratitude for the boring, the mundane, the routine. Too many times it is easy to yawn at our everyday lives and wish for a vacation, a change, something exciting. Then we hear of an exciting but tragic situation and remember how precious our everyday lives are. We know that many of the people involved in today’s events would have been happy to return to their usual routine.

Can you remember a tough situation you were in? While you were in that situation, did you dream of returning to “normal”?

The most scared I have been in my entire life was the winter of my senior year of college. I was leaving my parents home near Bloomington, Illinois, to drive back to Ohio for school. When I got to Danville, snow was lightly blowing over the road. By the time I got into Indiana, I was engulfed in a serious snow storm. I pulled off in a small city to get a hotel room. All the rooms were full. A father was begging the hotel clerk to allow his family to stay in the lobby. I decided to drive eight miles to the next city.

After I got back on the interstate, the storm intensified to complete white out conditions. I was crawling along at 8 miles per hour. I looked out my side window at one point and noticed that the signs on the side of the road were too far away. I had been driving in the median without knowing it. When I came upon a state trooper helping a disabled vehicle, I wanted to stop and beg him to take me to safety. I knew he was not there for me though, so I kept slowly driving to the next town. Finally, after over an hour, I reached an exit with a truck stop. Semis lined the entire off-ramp. I reached the restaurant where I used a phone card to call my parents long-distance from a phone at the table. This was before cell phones were common. The gratitude I felt for an uncomfortable situation, sitting at a table in a truck stop restaurant all night, was immense.

I am sure that you have been through a harrowing situation a time or two in your life. Whether it was physically or emotionally tough, we all have these experiences.

When we remember those truly tough times, or even the less awful but still inconvenient times, we can be filled for gratitude for now. We can feel joy for the errands we have to run, the homework that needs to be finished, even the laundry that needs to be washed.

May you enjoy the mundane and routine today.

Mediation is Magic

jquinn@mtvernonlawyer.us (Julie Quinn) — Wed, 16 Jun 2021 23:46:12 GMT

Seasoned mediators know that mediation is magic. Mediators talk about mediation being magic, in those exact words, whenever we get together at a conference or an online training. Keep in mind, most mediators are lawyers. Some are therapists. They have completed many years of formal education in rigorous fields known for logic and analytical processes. What possesses them to talk about their work as magic? What is mediation magic?

What is Mediation Magic?

To me, mediation magic is knowing that an amazing result was achieved for a couple or a family that could not have been achieved through the traditional legal process. Sometimes this is a breakthrough in communication between two people that allows them to heal old wounds and move forward. Sometimes it is an innovative agreement that will serve the family and its members well. Sometimes, just the fact that a case is settled, after so much pain and strife, is a miracle unto itself.

Why do Mediators Talk So Much about Mediation Magic?

To witness and be part of a resolution of conflict is a special feeling. Sometimes I actually get goosebumps. There is an internal "Wow!" that comes many times when a session goes well. This testifies to the truth of the old saying, "Blessed are the peacemakers." I feel the mediation magic both in in-person sessions and in sessions by Zoom. Fortunately, it does not seem to matter where the session is conducted. I even feel mediation magic when one of my litigation cases is settled by a different mediator! In those situations, I know that the mediator has helped my client achieve something that I either could not have done with litigation or that would have taken me a lot longer to achieve with litigation.

Do the Participants Feel Mediation Magic?

Sometimes my mediation clients do feel the mediation magic. They realize that something transformative has taken place. Maybe they feel a burden lifted off their shoulders or sense a new freedom in communication with their co-parent. Sometimes my mediation clients don't feel the magic, even if I do. The family matters that we handle in mediation are important and resolving them can be stressful for participants. Sometimes participants are so flooded with old memories that the magic passes them by. Regardless of whether the magic was felt, the agreement in mediation benefits the participants and the family.

So now you know why so many otherwise practical professions are so excited about mediation magic.

Simple Mediation (With Wanting a Divorce or a Parenting Plan)

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 18:56:25 GMT

Julie recently mediated with parents who were having some fairly run-of-the-mill problems regarding the co-parenting of their two young children. These are issues we hear about all the time. Things like phone rules, letting a child stay up too late, inappropriate behavior (like drinking, smoking, bad language), and running late for exchanges are all well merited concerns, but they do not necessarily require the court’s involvement.

This couple had been successfully co-parenting their kids for years and never opened a family case with the court because they got along so well. What they needed was a simple and brief, yet meaningful, mediation session to work out some kinks in their parenting ways. Julie mediated with them for one hour via Zoom and here is an idea of what their Mediation Agreement looks like:

1)   Neither parent will smoke inside the house when the children are present. No one smokes at Mom’s home. At Dad’s home, people who smoke will go outside.

2)    Mom agrees not to drink alcohol when the boys are in her care.

4)   Mom and Dad will work to regain the pattern of positive communication that they have had in the past. Mom and Dad will start this by texting each other regarding the boys once per week.

5)   If the parents run into an issue that needs to be addressed by phone and is a contentious issue, either of them may invoke the phone rules which are:

a)   Each person can talk for up to 2 minutes at a time without interruption;
b)   The person who is not talking will take notes so that he or she can remember what they want to respond to;
c)   At the end of the speaker’s 2 minutes, the parent who is listening gets 2 minutes to respond;
d)   The parents will continue to alternate speaking time until they finish the conversation.

This simple agreement made these struggling parents feel more prepared than ever to continue effectively co-parenting without the need to involve attorneys and the court! Please call our office to discuss how mediation can benefit you, your co-parent and most importantly, your children!!!

The Bookkeeper Chimes In (Again) -- Relationships

Mon, 01 Mar 2021 19:15:38 GMT

Relationships and Control: can mediation Help?

Like it or not, every interaction in our day-to-day lives constitutes a relationship.

That surly young man behind the cash register at the gas station – yep, though only briefly, you were totally in a relationship with him.

And while not every relationship is as consequential as the next, every relationship reflects the power dynamic at work within it.

That is, control.

A positive relationship reflects shared control of where that relationship is headed.

A successful relationship reflects a power dynamic that is fluid.

Maybe Gas Station Lad wouldn’t be quite so surly if he perceived shared control in the scores of relationships he finds himself in over the course of his day.

Maybe not.

The point is, conflict often arises in a relationship because one or the other party perceives a lack of control over the destination of that relationship.

Often, however, by the time a relationship reaches mediation, not only have circumstances and dynamics changed, but the relationship itself is an entirely different equation. The relationship that remains post-divorce no longer just reflects the power dynamics within it, but has become consumed by the singular issue of control.

Mediation counters this by taking the issue of control off the table. The emphasis is on cooperation rather than compromise because mutual goals are the focus, not the relationship.

Mediation isn’t a cure-all, of course, and your mediator isn’t Pollyanna. Neither party is guaranteed to emerge fully satisfied and neither party is likely to emerge feeling victorious, but that isn’t the point in the first place.

Mediation is about finding agreement and getting things done.

Even Better: It’s true that one’s self-respect generally survive mediation with far fewer bruises than when left to courtrooms or the angry impulses of sarcastic text messages.

Self-respect survives, agreements are reached, and things get done.

Not a bad deal.

How We are Doing Meetings

Sat, 14 Nov 2020 01:59:00 GMT

People have been asking me what we are doing about meetings right now. We are still meeting with people and are working hard to make sure that our clients are taken care of. Whether you are an established client or are hoping to establish a relationship, these options can work for you.

In-Person Meetings

We have a large office with plenty of space. For meetings involving myself and one or two other people, we can spread out in the conference room to meet in-person with no problem. For clients that want that face-to-face interaction, this is a good option.

Zoom Meetings

For clients that do not want to be within 50 feet of another person right now, Zoom meetings are a great option. Zoom is a free app that allows for video meetings. You can download it to your phone, tablet or computer . When you call, let us know that you prefer to meet by Zoom and we will give you our meeting ID when we set your appointment.

Clients that live farther away from our office also find this to be a time-saving option.

Me — ready for a Zoom meeting

Phone Meetings

If you do not have a smart phone or computer that will run Zoom, we can still meet the old fashioned remote way — by phone. Although we will not be able to see one another, the phone really does work quite well for many meetings. Let us know that is what you want to do when you call to make an appointment.

Payments

We do charge for consultations. You can make your payment by credit card through our secure portal. We will send you the link when you call to schedule your appointment. You will need to make the payment before our virtual meeting. People meeting in-person can bring their payment at the time of our consultation.

Our goal is to help you navigate the process of your case and to feel better having us on your side. Having different ways to meet is one way we do this.

Click here for my Zoom court tips for clients . Some of these tips are also handy for Zoom meetings.

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Divorce Horror Story Contest

Fri, 16 Oct 2020 08:32:00 GMT

Details

Send us your divorce horror story today. We are sorry you had to go through that, but at least you might win a $100 gift card, right?

The post Divorce Horror Story Contest appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

Make changes for your Future Self

Wed, 07 Oct 2020 00:21:00 GMT

Are you familiar with the idea of your future self? More to the point, are your familiar with the idea of making changes now for your future self?

I am sharing a podcast I listened to today by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. Dr. Hardy shared lots of great information that I believe will resonate with my clients and help them think about the changes they can make for their future selves.

Trauma impacts us all. A divorce, a loss of a relationship, or a health set back. The beauty of the trauma experience is that it can be a catalyst for tremendous growth.

How can you take that trauma and make changes that will benefit your future self? I gleaned this from Dr. Benjamin Hardy:

“Emotional development means you’re willing to deal with your emotions, you’re willing to face them, you’re willing to handle them, and you become what’s called psychologically flexible.”

Just knowing that you have a choice can make all the difference. Do you want to space out and avoid your emotions? Do you want to deal with your emotions and grow stronger? The way you handle your emotions now will determine what your future self has to work with.

“If you have specific goals to improve yourself in certain ways, and you’re actually regularly measuring and reporting those goals to other people, you can make huge changes.”

Once you know what you want, you can make changes to get what you want. Where do you want to be in five years? Ten years? Who do you want your future self to be? Once you have an idea of what you want, you can make a plan, read a book, take a class, start a new habit, get an accountability partner.

“You’re not the same person you were in the past. If the current version of you was put in former situations, you would probably do things differently.”

Forgive yourself for your past decisions. You are no longer that person and you can make different choices now.

“Uncertainty is essential because if you’re pursing big goals or if you’re pursuing a big future, obviously there is uncertainty because you’ve never actually done it.”

“Uncertainty is essential.” To me, this ~~kinda sucks~~ is comforting. I am finding comfort in knowing that this feeling of uncertainty is not a stop sign. It is actually a sign that I am on the right path to bigger and better things.

“It’s important to realize that the story you tell about yourself is the way that you see yourself.”

Dr. Hardy says that we can reframe our past experiences and give new meaning to them. We can inject a sense of safety into old scary experiences. We can tell our story in a different way so that we focus on where we want to be, instead of staying stuck in where we have been. Dr. Hardy gives some good tips around the 21 minute mark of the podcast on this subject. For further work on this, a therapist or life coach can be a valuable resource.

Check out the podcast here and let me know what you think. What was your main takeaway from this podcast? Are you planning any changes now to benefit your future self?

For more ideas on moving forward after a traumatic experience, click here and here and here .

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Bill and Tedra’s Excellent Mediation Adventure

Tue, 22 Sep 2020 19:00:00 GMT

Mediation will not have you flying through time in a telephone booth , but it might be just what you need to move into the future.

If you are trying to decide how to handle a family law problem, you are probably wondering what mediation looks like. Let me take you on Bill and Tedra’s Excellent Mediation Adventure.

Bill and Tedra’s Excellent Mediation Adventure

This is what the mediation process would look like for our hypothetical couple, Bill and Tedra. Bill calls our office on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon. He tells Liza that he and Tedra are wanting to get a divorce. They have three kids, a house, cars, retirement accounts, and some debts. He hasn’t spoken to Tedra since he found out that she was having an affair with a coworker. Bill is very upset and wants this divorce finished as soon as possible.

Liza explains to Bill that mediation is an option for Tedra and him. She describes the process and offers to call Tedra to explain the process to her as well. They find some dates that Bill is available for the first session. Liza asks Bill if he wants to meet with Julie individually for the first session or with Tedra. Liza gets Bill’s email address so she can send him an intake sheet and a list of what to bring to mediation.

Then Liza calls Tedra. Although she was expecting a divorce, she is surprised to hear a kind voice on the phone. Liza explains the process to Tedra and Tedra decides it is a good idea. After going over dates that everyone is available, they set an appointment for a one hour session ten days later.

Bill and Tedra arrive for their mediation session at about the same time. It is a little awkward.Liza does her best to put them at ease and soon Julie arrives and whisks them into the conference room where they will all meet.

As they sit around the large table, Julie explains to them how mediation works. Bill and Tedra both agree that this is how they want to handle their divorce and that they are wanting to move forward with a divorce, instead of trying to reconcile.

Both are concerned about how this will impact their children and how long this process will take. Tedra’s friend got divorced recently and that process took sixteen months and cost her friend $8,000. Julie explains that mediation is a good way to minimize the impact of a divorce on children. Conflict between parents is not good for kids. Mediation manages the conflict and gives parents the hope that they can resolve future issues together for their children. Mediation is also a faster way to do a divorce. When parties are able to work out agreements, the papers can be drawn up and entered by a judge within a month or two (sometimes even less).

With that, Julie guides them through all the decisions they will need to make to develop a parenting plan for their children and to separate their assets and debts. They do a total of three sessions. There are some tears (and even an angry outburst) but Bill and Tedra make all the decisions that they need to make to get divorced. Some of it is easy and they agree on what should be done right away. Some choices take more time, more research and more guidance from Julie.

At the end Bill and Tedra both feel relieved. Bill is still a little angry at Tedra but he feels some resolution to the situation. He is hopeful that he and Tedra can make the shift from former romantic partners to business partners engaged in the very important business of raising their three kids.

Three weeks later Julie gives them the documents to review. They review them, make some needed changes and then approve the final documents. Liza e-files the documents with the court. Two days later the judge signs off on the papers and Bill and Tedra are officially divorced.

With a few finally legal documents to transfer the house and interests in a retirement account, Bill and Tedra have finished the entire divorce process. The total cost for both of them, including the court’s filing fees, was $3,499. Instead of having to borrow money to finish their divorce, Tedra is able to put away some money for a down payment on a house and Bill is able to take a short vacation to Florida with the kids.

Hopefully, Bill and Tedra’s Excellent Mediation Adventure showed you what mediation looks like for a divorcing couple who comes to our office. Check back next week to see what litigation might look like for the same couple. For an actual client’s experience with mediaiton, click here or here .

The post Bill and Tedra’s Excellent Mediation Adventure appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

Back-to-School Tips for Co-Parenting Families

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 23:14:00 GMT

As our kids head back to school this year, parents have a lot on their plates. Co-parenting families have different challenges than families in which parents live in the same house. Here are some basic back-to-school tips for co-parenting families.

List your co-parent on school registration forms.

In Illinois, if your co-parent is legally recognized as a parent, most of the time they have a right to the child’s school information . (A law recognizes a parent if they are on the birth certificate or if there is a court order.) The exception is if it would endanger the child or parent to allow the other parent to have the information. Make life easier for everyone and remember to list their name and contact info on the school registration forms.

If you share time during the school week, list your co-parent’s emergency contacts on the school registration forms.

Every family does things differently. If your co-parent has the child during the school week and is expected to provide care when the child is ill, find out who they want to list as people to call in case the child needs to be picked up from school and the parent is not available.

Get the other parent access to school information sites

Most schools have sites that allow parents to log in to see their child’s grades and other information. When both parents have their own log in credentials, this gives everyone the opportunity to get the information they need. Both parents have the tools to help the child succeed in school.

Consider a family meeting

Now that you are co-parents, instead of a couple, consider treating your co-parenting as a business venture. Both of you have an interest in having your children do well. Both of you need to work to make that happen. Hold a regular meeting to discuss how things are going, even if it is once a year. A meeting allows for good communication and innovative solutions. You may want to include the kids depending on their ages and temperaments. Now more than ever parents need to work together to come up with solutions for after-school care or all-day care for schools that are distance learning.

Be an active parent

Even if you are not the parent filling out the school forms, be active in your child’s education. Most schools post calendars on their websites. Most teachers offer separate parent-teacher conferences if you are not ready to be in the same conference with the other parent. Call the school and get the information you need. Send an email to your child’s teacher.

Using these back-to-school tips now will save time and stress later. Here’s to a happy new school year!

Anxious about going back to school? Check out Liza’s post about self-care for anxious times .

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The Lincoln Connection

Sat, 25 Jul 2020 19:08:00 GMT

What’s our Lincoln Connection? As you all know, here in Illinois we are crazy about Abraham Lincoln. Illinois lawyers are no exception. As a group, we hold Lincoln writing contests, sponsor statues of Lincoln, and provide a Lincoln portrait to every courthouse in Illinois . So, in the spirit of the “Lincoln slept here” stories, our resident historian, Sean Tolley , shares Quinn Law & Mediation’s Lincoln Connection.

Justice David Overstreet and Judge Chris Webber present Abraham Lincoln’s portrait to the Crawford County Courthouse.

Professor Smith comes to Investigate

In 1939, George W. Smith, Professor Emeritus of History at Illinois State Teachers College in Carbondale (SIUC), came to the offices of Quinn Law and Mediation, LLC, looking for Abraham Lincoln.

Of course, the 106 year old house at 901 North Street that we call our “office” was then a 25 year old house called “home” by its builder and resident, Judge William T. Pace. Judge Pace, referred to as “Willie” in John Wall’s 1909 History of Jefferson County, served two terms as county judge in the 1880s. When Professor Smith visited in 1939, he found Judge Pace to be “hale and hearty, a walking cyclopedia, approaching his 86th birthday.”

Professor Smith had come to Mt. Vernon as part of his research for an upcoming book When Lincoln Came to Egypt . He had come to see Judge Pace because his grandfather, Harvey T. Pace had been “one of Lincoln’s co-laborer’s in the 9th, 10th, and 11th sessions of the legislature,” serving two and a half terms as a Democrat in the Illinois House of Representatives. Harvey T. Pace had cultivated a close friendship with the lanky Whig from Sangamon County.

The Pace family of Mt. Vernon was one of the earlier families that settled in the region. Harvey T. Pace was a young man of twenty or more at the time of the arrival of the family from Kentucky. His eldest son, James M. Pace, was born in 1826 and a grandson, William T. Pace, was born December 22, 1853. Harvey T. Pace became moderately wealthy operating a general goods store on the southwest corner of Tenth and Main streets in Mt. Vernon.

Lincoln Comes to Town

Lincoln found occasion to come to Mt. Vernon oftener perhaps than to any other city in Southern Illinois. Lincoln served in the 9th, 10th, and 11th sessions of the legislature with Harvey T. Pace of Mt. Vernon. And while these two men were of different political faiths, they were warm personal friends.

The sittings of the supreme court for the Southern supreme district were held in Mt. Vernon from 1848 to 1870, after which they were moved to Springfield. Lincoln’s duties as an attorney brought him to this Egyptian city. On the occasions of his visits, he was always a welcome caller at the home of Harvey T. Pace, a wealthy, generous Kentuckian.

In 1840 Lincoln was a Whig candidate for Presidential elector. John A. McClernand of Shawneetown was a Democratic candidate for the same office. During the Tippecanoe canvass these two candidates met in a friendly debate in Mt. Vernon. Harvey T. Pace and James M. Pace, then 14 years old, listened to this debate.

Perrin’s History of Jefferson County (1883, 311) tells an odd story about this debate. Mr. McClernand spoke in the forenoon in a church in which court was generally held. He had a good hearing. Lincoln was to speak in the afternoon. When Lincoln and his audience arrived in the afternoon they found the room occupied. The sheriff and the judge, both of whom were Democrats, had decided that the church ought not to be used for political purposes and had opened a session of the court. Lincoln and his audience adjourned to the shady side of the Kirby Hotel, where Lincoln spoke from a goods box.

By the time of Prof. Smith’s interview with Judge Pace, the Kirby Hotel had long since been torn down and replaced with “The Lincoln Building” – a tall, brick structure that housed a furniture/coffin retailer.

Today, the Lincoln Building has long since been replaced by Community First Bank. However, the bronze plaque dedicated and affixed to the front of the Lincoln Building in 1923 by the Joel Pace Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution in commemoration of Lincoln’s speech can still be seen today affixed to the front of the bank .

Today, Harvey Pace’s home (302 N. 10th, where Lincoln a “welcome caller”) is a vacant lot opposite Central Christian Church (itself, probably Harvey Pace’s greatest legacy, but an entirely different story…).

*

So, did Judge Pace ever meet the future POTUS?

According to Prof. Smith, the Judge recalled attending the Jonesboro Lincoln-Douglas debate with his father, James, on September 15, 1858. And while his memories were those of a preschooler, embroidered by 82 years of telling and re-telling, he claimed to remember “very well” the “appearance of the speakers”:

When the Judge was reminded that he was only five years old [sic] at that time, he said, “Shucks, in 1856 I nearly yelled my head off hollering for Fremont, while all the other Paces were yelling for Buchanan.”

Shucks, indeed.

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Zoom Court Tips for Clients

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 19:23:00 GMT

I wanted to give you a couple quick Zoom court tips for clients. Over the past month, we have been doing almost all our court appearances by Zoom. Zoom is proving to be quite convenient for lawyers and clients alike when it comes to shorter court appearances. For that reason, I think it is here to stay.

To get the most out of your Zoom court appearance, here are a couple of easy tips you should know:

1. Know how to mute yourself.

This is my number one tip and for good reason. You can certainly make a nuisance of yourself if you bring unnecessary background noise to the proceeding.

On one recent Zoom court appearance, there were several cases on the docket. One party (not my client) was participating from work. That is great and shows how Zoom court can really benefit clients. Imagine, instead of taking a half day off for

The microphone and video are both turned off on this Zoom meeting. See the red lines through the microphone and video camera.

court, you might be able to just take a 10 minute break to handle your court matter. Unfortunately this particular person had not learned how to mute their microphone. Their workplace had a loudspeaker that broadcast music and voices constantly. This person was outside and the sound of the wind whistled in the background. It made it very hard to hear what was happening in the other cases.

In another session, one mom was yelling obscenities to those near her while on a Zoom court session. Talk about a bad look!

The good news is that it is very easy to mute your microphone until it is time to speak. Look for the white microphone icon on the bottom of your screen. Tap on it and it will change to having a red line through it. If you tap it again, the red line will disappear and you will be able to be heard.

Even if your environment is not particularly noisy, it is a good idea to mute yourself until it is your turn to speak. In meetings in which there might be 10-15 people waiting for their turns, even common background noises like the air conditioning can add up to a whole lot of static.

2. Add your name when you log in.

It is a nice touch to add your name when you log in. When you are on the screen to enter the meeting ID, you will have a chance to add your name. This will help the judge and the other participants know who you are and why you are there.

Add your name on this screen to make things easier for the judge.If you don’t add your name, it will probably be a generic description of your phone or device like “Moto 7” or “iPad.”

Add your name on this screen to make things easier for the judge.

If you are involved in a proceeding that is confidential, you do not need to add your name if you do not feel comfortable. Often times the court session will start with a large group and break out to smaller confidential sessions. If you do not want those in the larger group to see your name, you do not have to add it.

3. Know how to start and stop your video.

Similar to tip #1, it can be helpful to know how to turn your video off and on. Just like turning your microphone off and on, there is a small video camera button that you can toggle off and on.

Why would you want to turn your video off? You might want to turn your video off when you are just waiting for your case to be called. We do not necessarily need to see you smoking a cigarette or drinking your coffee while you wait for your case to be called.

Also, in some sessions, we work with the video feed off for everyone except the person testifying. When there are too many people on a session with video feed, sometimes the quality of the audio is reduced to the point in which there are delays and skips.

4. Learn how to send a chat and be careful who you send it to.

When you click the three dots that say “More,” these are the options you will see.

If you click on the three little dots that say “More,” you will see an option for chat. If you and your attorney are in separate locations, this can be a handy way to share quick bits of information. (You may want to confirm that your lawyer knows about this function.)

Make sure that you select only the person you want to send the chat to. The default option is “Everyone” and there are certainly messages that you will want to send that you do NOT want “Everyone” to read.

5. Watch out for interference.

If you are planning to Zoom in the same location with others who are on the same Zoom meeting, make sure that you can be far enough apart from them that there will not be feedback from their devices.

Like anything, if in doubt, practice.

You can download the free app and start a Zoom meeting with a friend or family member if you want to get a feel for how this works. Your free Zoom session will be limited to 40 minutes

Make sure you click “Everyone” and re-select only the person you want to send the chat message to.

but it will give you a change to learn how to mute your microphone, send a chat and get a general feel for how this works.

Questions? Post a comment and I will do my best to answer.

If you have questions about Zoom in general, their frequently asked question section can be found here .

The post Zoom Court Tips for Clients appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

Self-care during Anxious Times Part I of 2

Wed, 24 Jun 2020 19:48:00 GMT

Liza Woodrome is sharing with us how to practice self-care during anxious times. Liza has personally suffered from anxiety and has found many ways to cope.

Do you know that you do not have to have any stressors in your life to experience anxiety?

You could be predisposed or genetically wired to have anxiety just for simply being you. However, there are so many obvious reasons you may feel anxious. A few biggies are going through a divorce, struggling with custody or co-parenting and, of course, most glaringly obvious today, Covid-19. Today’s world can be a very difficult place in which to exist. Every human being on earth must feel this way at some point in their life, right?

“If love is universal, no one can be left out.” — Deepak Chopra

Do you know how important it is to take good care of yourself during stressful times? It is called “self-care” and everyone should practice it, especially during anxious times. By definition, self-care is “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress” (Oxford Languages). Take a break. Pause from life. Find 5 minutes a day to healthily decompress, unwind, regroup and recharge.

Each of us has a certain threshold of energy and we can only handle so much based on what that threshold is. If your energy well runs dry, your body will thirst for more energy. Self-care can do just that: aerate, hydrate, invigorate, fuel, and restore your energy levels to nourish, sustain, renew and quite literally breathe new life into your body. Doesn’t that sound rejuvenating?

“Everything amazing about the universe is inside of you, and the two are inseparable.”

— Carl Sagan

Here are some ideas for anxiety management and self-care practices during anxious times. Whether it’s something that is happening personally to you or is as wide-reaching as a worldwide pandemic, these tips will come in handy in making you feel better and learning to cope more easily and effectively.

Self-Care Techniques for Anxiety

Most importantly —Build your team of health professionals! Your primary care physician, counselor and pharmacist can all work together as “Team You” in putting together the right treatment plan for you. Treatments your team may recommend and self-care techniques include some of the following:

Counseling
Exercise
Clean Eating
Rest & sleep
Medications
Meditation
Deep breathing
Prayer
Yoga
Silence
Acupressure/Acupuncture
Herbs and holistic medicines
Education
Avoiding triggering substances, such as alcohol and smoking

Do What You Enjoy for Self-Care in Anxious Times

Other self-care enjoyments can be extremely beneficial. You might try:

Find something you enjoy doing and take 5-30 minutes a day to do it! It’s fun to remember your 10-year-old self and what he or she would find to do in that amount of time to self-soothe. Intriguing and motivating? Let’s hope so… give it a whirl!

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”

— William S. Burroughs

Remember —Anxiety did not happen to you overnight and it may take some time to undo itself. Recognize and verbalize how you are feeling. Then practice patience and acceptance. Educate yourself. Accept help and support from loved ones. Avoid isolation. And fundamentally imperative: Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace during this time in your life!

“Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off.”

– Max Lucado

Online Resources:

Older posts you might enjoy related to this topic are here and here .

Stay tuned for Part 2: How to Support a Loved One Struggling with Anxiety (and/or depression)!

Disclaimer: Liza is not a trained medical professional and is not offering medical advice. This blog is based on her lifelong and personal experience with anxiety.

The post Self-care during Anxious Times Part I of 2 appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

The Bookkeeper Chimes In, Re: Mediation

Thu, 11 Jun 2020 22:41:00 GMT

Today’s post on mediation is by our firm’s bookkeeper, Sean Tolley. Sean is a multi-talented individual who plays music and writes books in addition to his day job. Look for his book on Shawneetown, coming later this year. I really like this post. We have many other posts about mediation , but Sean has used his creative way with words to allow us to think about mediation in a different way.

The post The Bookkeeper Chimes In, Re: Mediation appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

Can mediation work if you are nervous about the process?

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 09:19:00 GMT

Can mediation work if you are nervous about the process? One of our client emphatically says, “Yes!”

This is the second part of Liza Woodrome’s interview with Sarah Fae Stuehlmeyer. You can read the first part here .

6) Could you tell me about any different thoughts and feelings you were having as mediation progressed?

“I got less apprehensive about the mediation process the further we went. I was nervous at the beginning because it was new and I didn’t know anyone who had been through mediation. . . Julie gave us time and space and handled it really well and didn’t let us quit. I love how she was always able to say ‘let’s look at the things we can agree on’ and then after seeing how much we actually were agreeing we were able to see how close we were actually getting. When she noticed [we] needed space, we would stop and break or schedule the next session.”

7) If you had to guess, what do you think our philosophy as a law firm is?

“Helping people, giving people their dignity and making sure people feel heard during the difficult pieces of life.”

8) Do you think you were fairly billed?

“ Yes, very fair and reasonable.”

9) Were you happy with your mediation results?

“Yes, I have total peace of mind about the process and the end result.”

10) Do you feel like Julie had the right experience in the subject area of the dispute if complex technical things were to be understood ?

“Yes, she was really good at explaining things. I trusted her more with mediation because she was an attorney and had that background. I felt safer in an environment where Julie had the legal background and how the court system worked and that your office could manage all of the pieces from start to finish.”

11) All in all, throughout the whole process what did you find most helpful?

“Julie’s background and expertise, her knowledge of mediation, her experience in handling conflict resolution, her handling and navigation of getting through the nitty gritty hard stuff I didn’t think we’d be able to agree on. She reassured us that it was possible and said ‘we can get through this, hang in there’.”

12) Would you refer a friend to our firm for mediation? If yes, what would you say to your friend about your experience?

“Yes, absolutely! Everything I already said!”

13) Is there anything else you would like to add about your experiences of mediation that I not asked about?

“The office was comfortable, the environment is peaceful, I could take a break if I needed to, there was water and candy. The setting itself was helpful. The table was large enough so we didn’t have to be close. I could go cry in the bathroom if I needed to. Because it’s a home setting, it did not feel so restrictive or legal or intense or uptight.”

Again, thank you, Sarah Fae, for sharing an inside look at this process. If you are nervous about the mediation process or have more questions about mediation, call us. Liza would be happy to talk to you.

The post Can mediation work if you are nervous about the process? appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

What’s the Mediation Experience Like

Fri, 29 May 2020 17:48:00 GMT

What’s the mediation experience like from our client’s point of view? Liza and I always want to know what things look like and feel like from our clients’ perspectives. So Liza decided to sit down with one of our clients and ask about what it feels like to go through mediation.

Liza Woodrome interviewed Sarah Fae Stuehlmeyer on May 28, 2020. This interview has been split into two posts.

1) Describe how you chose to use mediation, rather than hiring a litigation attorney, for your divorce?

“I had heard about mediation as an alternative, was intrigued and interested in something that wasn’t so long, drawn out, without drama and fighting, with both of us in control of the process and having a calm conversation.  Speed and ease and price were all factors in my decision.”

2) Did we explain the mediation process clearly? Did you understand what would happen and when?

“You and Julie did an excellent job explaining how it worked and how many hours it would take, so we knew how long the process would last. I felt very comfortable with what we were going to be doing when we sat down with Julie in the room.”

3) How would you describe our communication with you and the other party during mediation?

“I always felt very at ease. You and Julie were very open and friendly and welcoming for questions and concerns. I loved MyCase for document review and everyone being able to see and comment. I felt very comfortable with all of you!”

4) During mediation, did Julie remain neutral rather than stating her opinion? Did she help both of you listen effectively to each other?

“I was JUST thinking that before you asked! I was very impressed with her neutrality and her listening to both sides of our needs, wants and opinions and how she allowed us to communicate about those things. She is so good at what she does. She gave us both the opportunity to speak and to talk freely even if it wasn’t the final decision, but we could come to the table with ANY thought we had.”

5) Using only a few adjectives, how would you describe your mediation experience from beginning to end?

“Smooth, comprehensive, painless, and conclusive. Also navigating compromise: all relationships take compromise, even the ending of a marriage. I would consider Julie an expert.”

Thanks, Sarah Fae! She had some really great insights and some very kind words. We appreciate it!

Check back next week to see the second part of this interview.

(Please know that we got the permission of the other participant in this mediation to post this publicly.)

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Holiday Schedule for Parenting Plan

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 21:17:00 GMT

When you are working out a parenting plan with your child’s other parent, a holiday schedule can be a great place to start. Although you may have disagreements, disagreements on holidays can usually be worked through. After you work through those disagreements, you feel more empowered to tackle larger issues.

Here are some things to consider when coming up with a holiday schedule for your parenting plan:

What is a Holiday

First determine what is a holiday for you as a family. This will probably depend largely on the parents’ ability to get off work on holidays. For some families, only Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas seem like holidays. Other parents might get more days off work so Martin Luther King Jr. Day, President’s Day, Veteran’s Day and many others are included.

Here are some to think about : New Year’s Day; Martin Luther King, Jr. Day; President’s Day; Lincoln’s Birthday; Easter; Mother’s Day; Memorial Day; Father’s Day; Fourth of July; Labor Day; Halloween; Veteran’s Day; Thanksgiving; Christmas Eve; Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve.

What about birthdays of the parents or the children?

There is no right or wrong when it comes to including or excluding a holiday from your schedule. Do what seems most logical to you. Probably if one of you sees a day as a holiday, it can be included in the discussion.

How will you share the Holiday

Parents have options for sharing time with their kids when developing a holiday schedule for their parenting plan. If you already know what you want to do, great! If not, here are some things to keep in mind and some ideas that have worked for other families. In general, you will want to have the dates and times figured out for each holiday.

Basic Ways to Share Holidays

Alternate the day — Usually this looks like “Mom will get Thanksgiving every even numbered year from 9 am to 6 pm. Father will get Thanksgiving every odd numbered year from 9 am to 6 pm.” In other words, one of you gets the holiday one year and one gets it the next.

Split the day — When both of you want to see the children on the holiday every year, splitting the day can work. This might look like, “Mother will have the children every Thanksgiving from 9 am to 2 pm and Father will have the children every Thanksgiving from 2 pm to 7 pm.”

Designate the day — If you agree that one parent will get the same day every year, you can designate that holiday to them every single year. This is commonly done with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but can be done with other holidays too. In families in which one of the parents is a veteran, we have seen agreements in which the veteran parent gets Veteran’s Day with the kids every year. Does one of you have a family reunion that always happens on Memorial Day weekend? Designating the holiday to that parent every year can be an easy way to make sure the kids always get to attend the reunion. Maybe the other parent can always get Labor Day in exchange.

Things to Consider

Get very practical when you make this holiday schedule for you and your kids. You don’t just want something that looks good on paper. You want something that will work in real life.

The most important thing to remember is to enjoy your time with your kids. You only get so many holidays with your children during their childhoods. What you celebrated and when will be less important than the fact that you celebrated. That you enjoyed each other. That you made memories. A parent who can remember that will be able to make a holiday schedule that works for their family.

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“Love Hurts” by Lodro Rinzler: A book review

Wed, 25 Mar 2020 20:14:00 GMT

I picked up “Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken” by Lodro Rinzler for our office library sometime ago. Here is why I think it will be helpful to clients going through painful situations.

Most people who see us have been through a heartbreaking situation recently. The break up of a relationship or trouble with children makes life very hard! Unfortunately, these emotions carry into a legal case. When one or both parties is still reeling from a broken heart, this comes out in our discussions regarding settlement. These feelings sometimes cloud judgment. Any time spent on your own healing will be time well spent. It will help you make good decisions. It might help speed up your case. Most importantly, you will be on the road to healing that will enhance your entire life.

What is cool about this book

This book is unique in that the author does not necessarily expect the reader to read it from start to finish. Instead, the author broke the book up into sections. Go to the section that feels most pressing to you. “”If you can’t believe this has happened to you.” If you can’t eat.” “If you feel like a failure.” Most sections are less than five pages long. It is very accessible, even for busy people or non-readers.

This book covers a wide variety of heartbreaks. The loss of romantic love is only one of them. Loss of a special pet. Loss of a dream home. Being estranged from a family member because of mental illness.

Yes, the author of the book is a Buddhist but one not need be Buddhist, or have any prior exposure to Buddhism, to appreciate the advice. In the end, truth is truth. The help offered from this book is very healing.

How to get this book

“Love Hurts” is available for sale online in either paperback or electronic formats. If you want to borrow our copy, call the office and we will figure out how to get it to you.

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Court postponed in Southern Illinois due to coronavirus

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 19:48:00 GMT

Courts are postponing most types of cases because of the precautions over coronavirus. You can read the Second Judicial Circuit (Jefferson, Wayne, Hamilton, Wabash, etc.) order here . I believe that the rules for the Fourth Judicial Circuit (Marion, Fayette, Effingham, etc.) will be similar. If you have court in a different circuit, check with the circuit clerk.

Our office intends to be open as much as possible in the coming two weeks. Feel free to call us and we can help you by phone.

We also intend to continue with mediation during this time. We believe that mediation can be conducted with out risk of harm.

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Why I Like Telling People about Mediation

Tue, 25 Feb 2020 23:34:00 GMT

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” That must be why I love working with our clients at Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC—it fuels my heart and my soul to serve others. I take my role in helping our clients during difficult times very seriously. Especially significant for me is our firm’s mission to make it a financial possibility to obtain legal counsel. We are taking that practicality one step further. We offer the benefits of private mediation for anyone wanting to get a divorce, modify custody, or establish child support.

“I had no idea this was an option”

It’s been eye-opening to inform potential clients on the benefits of mediation when they call to schedule a consultation. If they do not feel like mediation is a good fit for them, I will schedule a litigation consultation, but I try to offer potential clients mediation whenever possible. It is a great option for many people, especially people who feel option-less and stuck. When they hear that avoiding court, saving money and coming up with a mutually desirable outcome is a real possibility, their reaction over the phone is practically palpable. Many people say, “I have never heard of this” or “I had no idea this was an option.” I also hear, “You mean we might not have to go to court” or “Everywhere else I’ve called said it would cost $5,000 and I don’t have that kind of money”.

Benefits of Mediation for our Clients

I explain to them that they do not have to agree on everything (or anything for that matter) to come to mediation. People who mediate are at the helm of their own private affairs instead of a judge. A good mediator keeps them moving toward a resolution instead of staying stuck in the usual arguments. Mediation is forward focused and a wonderful option for a less than wonderful situation. We offer mediation in a private and safe environment. Our firm helps their family get through this tough time.

Our clients have been very pleased with their mediation experiences and outcomes with us. We are hopeful you will be too!

Liza Woodrome, a legal assistant at QLM, answers people’s questions about family law mediation every day. She will happily answer your questions Monday through Friday 9 am to 5 pm at 618-242-9580.

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You don’t have to agree in order to mediate

Fri, 15 Nov 2019 22:42:00 GMT

You don’t have to agree in order to mediate. A common misconception about mediation is that you have to agree about the issues in your case in order to mediate.

I mediate family law cases. Family law cases include parenting cases with never married parents and divorces. In family cases, we determine the best parenting time schedule for the children. In mediating divorce cases, we also handle property issues, such as dividing assets and debts. The parties usually have known each other for many years. There is a lot of emotion involved. Sometimes that emotion spills out in anger or in tears. Mediation is a safe place to express that emotion, but we don’t stop there.

Forward-Focused

Mediation is forward-focused. Although we sometimes talk about the events and emotions of the past, our main goal in mediation is to help you reach agreements about what will happen in the future. You decide how you will move forward from this point. As parents, you determine what parenting time schedule will work best for your children. You figure out how to best divide your assets and debts to achieve your future goals. When you mediate your case, you actively work to make the best decisions for your family, instead of turning that decision over to a judge.

Reasons Why Mediation Works

At this point, you might be saying, “Sounds great, but I already told you we can’t agree on anything!”

Think for a minute about dispute resolution in other contexts. Labor unions and management. The Israelis and the Palestinians. Do those groups agree going into their negotiations? No. Have they had bitter, even bloody, conflicts? Yes. Are they often able to reach at least some agreements through negotiation? Yes.

So, what advantages does mediation have over trying to hash out an agreement at the dinner table or going to court?

1) A trained mediator is present to help you move from the past into agreements about the future.

Sometimes just having a neutral third-party there is enough to make the discussion more calm and civil. When that third-party is trained and experienced in resolving (or managing) conflict, the effect is even greater. A good mediator keeps you moving toward resolution, instead of staying stuck in the usual arguments.

2) Both parties are present and focused on the goal of reaching agreements on issues.

When you commit to mediation, you have committed to spend a set period of time (often two hours per session) focusing on the issues. You can prepare before the session. This preparation includes emotional preparation and gathering needed information. Nobody gets ambushed (or interrupted during their favorite tv show).

3) Mediation is private.

When you come to mediation, usually only the parties and the mediator are present in the room. If the parties decide that other people will be helpful to the discussion, they can have those people there too. Most of the time, though, only the parties and mediator will be there. Your meddling mother-in-law will have to stay outside. The other parties’ obnoxious lawyer will be off making some else’s life miserable. Mediation is a time for focusing on what works best for you and the other person involved. The “noise” of outside voices is temporarily silenced so that you can concentrate on making good decisions.

When Mediation Works

When mediation works, people walk out of my office with smiles on their faces. Sometimes they walk out laughing and joking with each other . When mediation works, both people tend to save a lot of money on legal costs. They make agreements that work for their lives. They learn how to work through future conflicts. (Or at least they learn where to come to resolve their conflicts.) When mediation works, families can move forward. Children can live in peace.

Suspend your doubt and try mediation for all the benefits that it will offer you and your family.

The post You don’t have to agree in order to mediate appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

You Can Choose How You Feel

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 16:08:00 GMT

You can choose how you feel. Most people don’t realize this, but it is true. Most people stay stuck in an old emotion because no one has ever taught them how to move forward and choose how they feel.

Learing How to Choose How You Feel

I heard Hal Elrod speak about this concept at the Game Changers Summit a few weeks ago. He learned to move forward through his feelings when he was a young Cutco Cutlery salesperson. In his training he learned that he could be mad or sad about something for five minutes and then he needed to move forward. So instead of fuming for hours when a customer canceled a big order he was counting on, he set his phone timer for five minutes. He ranted and raved for those five minutes. At first, he would need to set his timer for another five minutes because he was not done feeling bad. He soon realized that he was done ranting and raving way before his timer went off. At the end of his five minutes, Hal learned to say three simple words – “Can’t change it.”

Choosing How to Feel Saves the Day

Learning how to move forward turned out to be super important for Hal. A drunk driver wrecked into Hal’s car one night, leaving Hal paralyzed. After he woke up from a coma, Hal applied what he knew to do. He knew he could not change what had happened. Hal determined that if he were to be in a wheelchair, he would be the happiest person in a wheelchair. Hal decided to choose how to feel. Wonderfully, with a good attitude and lots of hard work, Hal regained his use of his legs. He now runs long distances with ease.

How It Works

How does this work? Our resistance to reality is what causes us pain. When we acknowledge that we “can’t change it,” we move toward accepting reality. Accepting reality is less painful than resisting reality. Hal is now a motivational speaker and he gave a beautiful example of this. A woman who heard Hal speak had been grieving the loss of her father for ten long years. After she heard Hal’s story, she realized that she did not need to spend another day allowing her father’s memory to cause her pain. Now she can look back on the love her father gave her during his life and feel joy, not sorrow. She decided to choose how to feel about the memory of her father.

This isn’t always easy. This is a habit that becomes stronger with time. Hal did not start this habit when he ended up in the hospital. He started it with canceled cutlery orders. By building this habit into his life on a daily basis, he was able to use it when the really big challenges in life hit.

Hal’s got some really great ideas and resources. You can learn about his Miracle Morning routine here .

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An Idea to Help Before Court — Surrender Meditation

Thu, 15 Aug 2019 19:32:00 GMT

So many people are nervous or upset to be going to court. That is understandable and there are tips and techniques you can use if you feel like one of those nervous, upset or angry people.

I happened upon this meditation by Jason Stephenson by accident. I have been loving using affirmations in my own life lately. When I was driving to court one day, I asked Siri to find my usual affirmations and she gave me this instead. As I listened, I realized that this could be an excellent tool for some of my clients to use before court.

Often, clients have strong emotions in going to court. The issues at hand are important and personal. Sometimes, though, being in a state of strong emotion in court can backfire and work against you. You might not make decisions as well when you are in the grip of fear or anger. You might find it harder to work to reach a compromise. Or, ironically, you may give up too easily when you are upset.

This meditation is 35 minutes long. I recommend listening to it multiple times over the days or weeks leading up to your court date and then once on the day of court.

Click here to listen to this surrender meditation.

You can also try this instant, on-the-spot technique for feeling better in court.

If this helped you and you want more ideas like this, please let us know. We are always happy to suggest resources for our clients.

The post An Idea to Help Before Court — Surrender Meditation appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

To Devil Woman, With Love — The Power of Names in Your Phone Contacts

Thu, 25 Apr 2019 21:20:00 GMT

My phone is boring. All my phone contacts have their actual real names listed. Some might be missing a last name or have a description (i.e. Tree Guy), but other than that, the names are just names.

Some of my clients are much more creative. I have seen the other parent of their children listed in their phone contacts as “Satan,” “Spawn of Satan,” “Devil Woman,” and more. While I appreciate creativity, I’ll give you three good reasons to change your phone contact name to something less inflammatory.

Why Change “Creative” Phone Contacts

1) You do not want the judge to see it. Many times I use screenshots of messages (or even the actual phone) to prove my client’s position to the court. Having a message with “The Evil One” at the top does not make a good impression on the judge. It might help you lose your argument and will probably earn you a lecture.

2) You do not want your kids to see it. That other person is their parent. You probably showed love and affection to the other parent in your children’s presence in the past. Do you want your kids to think that at some point you will turn on them that way? Showing respect to the other parent in your children’s presence, regardless of circumstances, is always the way to go.

3) You will feel better. How do you feel now when you look at your phone and see that Satan sent you a message? Sure, it was funny for 5 minutes when you showed your friends or buddies. Now, change it to something else.

Use your creativity for good! What creative name can you come up with for the phone contact of the mother or father of your child? “Mother of my Children.” “Elliot’s Dad.” “Sarah Smith.”

Names have power. Let that power carry you toward more positive interactions with your child’s other parent.

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“I’m nervous about going to court” — The Pink Cloud Method

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 16:25:00 GMT

Some of our clients are super nervous about going to court. This is totally understandable. In divorces and family law matters, we are dealing with issues that are personal and can carry a lot of emotion. But what can you do about it if you are nervous about court? Let me introduce the Pink Cloud Method.

Yes, it sounds odd but keep an open mind for a few minutes. See if this is something that can work for you. I ran across this in a novel called How I Came to Sparkle Again. The main character, Jill, suffers a miscarriage and then discovers that her spouse is cheating on her. At one point, she dreads the prospect of going to court for a divorce hearing. Her wise, earthy uncle gives her this advice that I think of as The Pink Cloud Method.

The Pink Cloud Method

“Well, here’s what you’re going to do, Jill. You’re going to go and watch yourself participate in it. You’re going to think, Hmm, isn’t this interesting? But you’re not going to judge it. You’re just going to observe, and by doing so, you’ll be able to see the truth as you’ve never seen it before. It will give you peace. You’re going to image pink fluffy clouds around you in the courtroom. Negative words and intentions may come flying at you, but they’ll hit the pink fluffy clouds and lose their momentum. They’ll never touch you. No matter what comes flying at you, don’t catch it. Step aside and let it fly by. Think of all those words as if they were balls bouncing around the room, like dodgeball. If you don’t catch them and throw them back, they’ll lose their energy and end up on the floor behind you. Go through the motions in the physical world, but don’t participate on an energetic level.”

I think this is actually great advice. Also, if you are very nervous about going to court, please let us know. We will do our best to reassure you and make the experience as easy as it can be.

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Divorce Recovery Support Group Details: 2019

Fri, 25 Jan 2019 21:57:00 GMT

The FREE divorce recovery support group begins on Wednesday, February 6, 2019, from 6:00 to 7:30 pm . Celeste Robinson , LCSW, facilitates the group.

The group will help

The divorce recovery support group meets once per month, the first Wednesday of each month. Participants may join the group at anytime. They do not need to be present for the first session.

Topics discussed will help the participants in healing from their divorces. Some possible topics include:

Please call Liza at 618-242-9580 to register for the group.

Read more about the divorce recovery support group here .

*We apologize but we are unable to accept current clients of other attorneys into our group.

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An Easy Way to Make A Budget

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 23:07:00 GMT

Making a budget and following it are the best things you can do for yourself financially this year. I just got back in the budgeting game recently. I got tired of wasting money and not making progress on my dreams. If you are in the midst of a divorce or other family case, a budget may be a critical part of your rebuilding process. This time around I am skipping the pen and paper method. I signed up with EveryDollar , an online budgeting program and app.

EveryDollar is a Dave Ramsey product. The concept is that you need to account for every dollar that comes in each month. When you set up your budget, you list all your income for the month and all your expenses. EveryDollar automatically totals all budget categories as you go along so you can see what you have left to budget. That feature is a huge plus compared to a paper budget.

Users can set categories and specific items in each category. For example, under “Transportation” a user might have items for gasoline, oil changes, maintenance and car payments. As you pay expenses through the month, you add them to the items and you can see as you go how much you have left.

Free or Paid Version?

There is a free version of this program that would be perfectly adequate for a family that does not have many transactions. In the free version users enter their transactions into the online program or the app. I opted to pay the $99 per year to have my transactions imported directly from my bank. New transactions pop up and all I have to do is slide them into the correct category. There is a little bit of processing time between the time of the transaction and the time it clears the bank. If you are one of those hyper-organized people, you might actually prefer the free version because you can enter the transaction right away. (Users of the paid version can enter the transaction right away and then delete the one that comes from the bank later.)

My Favorite Features of this Budget

I have two favorite parts of this program. The first is that you can turn any budget item into a fund. A fund will carryover the amounts from month to month. I was looking to budget some items on a yearly basis and this works perfectly for that. My other favorite part is the addictive-ness of it. This app has taken the human brain’s tendency to get obsessed over things like slot machines, video games and our phones and turned it to good. This is my second month using the program and I am still excited to manage my transactions.

EveryDollar is not the only budgeting app to be sure. Other people are just as excited about YouNeedABudget.com and mint.com . Whichever program you use, or if you decide to go with pen and paper, the important part is to do it and stick with it!

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Divorce Support Group: Starting in February

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 22:40:00 GMT

We are sponsoring another divorce support group. The group is open to current clients, past clients, or potential clients*. The next session will begin in February 2019. We have seen what a positive impact these sessions can have.

This is what one of the former group members had to say about the group:

“Getting a divorce was a very difficult and emotional process for me. When I heard that my attorney offered a free divorce support group, I felt very grateful. I am very glad to have attended the support group. I found it to be extremely comforting, professional and discrete. The best part was connecting with others going through similar times. The group held six sessions facilitated by Celeste Robinson of Dynamic Counseling. The topics ranged from “honoring your feelings” and “learning how to forgive” to “finding meaning and hidden blessings”. In the end, it helped me to resolve some painful emotions I had been harboring. After that I was able to begin rebuilding a positive, healthy life. Thank you, Quinn Law & Mediation for giving me (and others) this invaluable opportunity!”

If you are interested in joining the group, please call Liza at 618-242-9580.

To read more about our wonderful counselor, click here .

*We apologize but we are unable to accept current clients of other attorneys into our group.

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Good Fit Clients, Part 2

Fri, 07 Dec 2018 20:48:00 GMT

Every attorney is different and every client is different. How do you find the right “fit” so you can have a great attorney-client relationship? These types of clients work well with our office.

This is the second post in a series. Check out the first post here .

Good Fit #3

You realize that the legal process is just that – a process.

Some parts of the legal process might make sense to you. It might make sense to you to file a petition with the court to ask for parenting time with your kids. Some parts of the legal process might not make sense to you. You might not see why you have to file a financial affidavit listing your income and expenses. Good clients realize that the courts require some parts of this process, like it or not. Of course ask questions. Find out why or if the court requires this particular part of the process in your case. But then, please believe us and do what needs to be done. Good clients ask questions and then get us the answers and documents we need to move the case along efficiently and effectively. Bad clients complain (every time we talk to them) and don’t get us the documents that we need.

Also, good clients realize that most of the time, unless both sides agree, the legal system moves slowly. The quickest way to move your case is by making agreements. Sometimes, though, you can’t make an agreement. At those times, some patience will be needed.

Good Fit #4

You appreciate value.

Rarely is hiring a lawyer cheap. You are hiring someone with a lot of education and special skills to do something you either cannot do for yourself or that you do not want to do for yourself. You can expect that there will be a cost to this. The question is will it be worth it in the long run. Will hiring our law office get you to the place you want to be efficiently and effectively? How will it minimize the conflict between you and the other parent? Can it reduce the pain your child must endure in this process? If so, will it be worth it?

At our office, we respect the fact that you are paying good money to have a lawyer help you with your case. We want to see those legal fees put to good use by moving your case forward, not doing busy work to line our own pockets.

Come See Us!

The best way to see if we are a good fit for each other as attorney and client is to schedule a consultation with us at the office. Often within that first meeting we can tell whether we will like working together. We look forward to meeting you soon!

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Good Fit Clients, Part 1

Thu, 06 Dec 2018 19:46:00 GMT

When you hire a family law lawyer, you are hiring someone that you will be working with closely on personal matters. Given the amount of money and time you will spend on your case, you want to have a good attorney-client relationship. Finding the right “fit” is important. Here are some types of clients that work well with our office.

Good Fit #1

You want to do what is right – for yourself, for the other parent, and for your children

When I was growing up, one of my father’s regularly used phrases was, “Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do.” This simple phrase has stuck with me my entire life. It’s part of my internal moral code, so it is no surprise that some of my favorite clients are the ones who want to do the right thing. The right thing is often not the easy thing. Sometimes it does not feel good. Sometimes it is downright hard. But usually, almost always, it pays big dividends in the long run.

In family law, so much of what we do needs to stand the test of time. What good is winning an argument in court if you tear your entire family apart?

A decent percentage of almost any family law firm’s business comes from clients who have already been divorced or had a parenting decision and are coming back to have decisions modified or to have the other parent held in contempt of court. Some of this post-divorce or modification work is good and necessary. A lot of it is not. A lot of it comes from anger and spite. What if you could do things differently in your divorce or parenting case so that you would not be locked in an endless cycle of stress and strife after the initial case is over? You can, and clients who want to do the right thing are the ones who best stop this nasty cycle of endless litigation before it begins.

Good Fit #2

You want to learn and grow – and you are willing to do the work to do it

Our clients are almost always facing huge challenges and in the most difficult part of their lives when they come to us. We understand that. We provide a listening ear and resources to help. That is why we started our divorce support group. That is why we recommend books and have books on hand for clients to borrow. We want to help you get better. It always makes me smile when someone tells me how much Liza helped them with her kindness and encouragement on the phone. But all the kindness, encouragement and resources in the world won’t help if you are bound and determined to stay stuck! On the other hand, if you are willing to learn and grow, to let go of past hurts and try something new, you will probably be one of our favorite types of clients.

We have two more types of Good Fit clients. Check out that post here .

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Divorce Support Group: Celeste Robinson

Fri, 12 Oct 2018 16:06:00 GMT

Our office has started a divorce support group to help our clients as they transition through this major life event. This group is for anyone who is divorced, going through a divorce, or who is separated from a partner (whether or not they were ever married). All clients and past clients of Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC may attend absolutely free of charge.

The leader of this group is Celeste Robinson. This is what she has to say about herself:

“I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and graduated from SIU Carbondale. I have been working in the social services field for over 20 years. I live in Mt Vernon. I have experience working with individuals experiencing grief, loss, divorce, and separation. I offer individual, couples, and group therapy. My clients are all ages from age 4 and up.

My vision for this group is to offer hope and healing to those going through separation and divorce. I believe this group will provide support and skills to successfully navigate through this difficult life event.”

If you would like to join this group, please call Liza at our office at 618-242-9580.

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Too Afraid to Proceed?

Tue, 18 Sep 2018 16:29:00 GMT

Unfortunately, as a law firm, we are involved with the ugly part of people’s lives. Whether it is a divorce or a child support and decision-making matter, the reason clients come to us is rarely a happy one.

In the really ugly cases, safety can be an issue. Maybe this relates to you.

If you are in a situation where you or your child’s safety is compromised, you have options.

If the facts of your case show there is a possibility of harm to you or your children, we can help you get an Emergency Order of Protection. When harm is possible, the accused party typically is not required to know about the emergency hearing. The Emergency Order is effective as soon as the Judge signs it.

The Emergency Order of Protection (EOP) is only temporary. When the Judge signs this order, a hearing date is set for a Plenary Order. After hearing from both parties, the Judge may enter a Plenary Order of Protection. A Plenary Order of Protection can last up to two years. The Petitioner (person seeking safety) must be present at this hearing. However, the Respondent (accused abuser) may choose not to attend. If the Respondent does not attend this hearing, the Judge will likely enter a default order granting the Plenary Order of Protection.

Once this order is in place and your safety is no longer an issue, we can work with you to resolve the more long-term issues in your case as efficiently as possible.

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Financial Affidavit? Why Do I Have to File One?

Fri, 17 Aug 2018 18:32:00 GMT

If you have a divorce or a family law matter with children, we have probably told you that you need to complete a financial affidavit. About ten percent of our clients are speedy quick at filling out these forms. (Or “fin affs” as we affectionately refer to them in the office). Maybe twenty-five percent more are pretty good at getting this task done. The rest of you are telling us, “Ugh. Why do I have to fill out my financial affidavit?”

In this post, I will answer your question about why you have to fill out your financial affidavit.

The answer is . . . because I said so .

Okay, not really. It is more like because the court and the Illinois legislature said so.

In any case in which you are asking for temporary maintenance (spousal support) or child support, the law (750 ILCS 5/501(a)(1)) requires you to file a financial affidavit.

If the other party in your case is filing for temporary maintenance or child support, you need to file a financial affidavit.

When the court needs to determine if “interim attorney’s fees and costs” should be granted to either side in your case, you will need to file a financial affidavit. (750 ILCS 5/501(c-1))

If the court needs to decide which person receives the property or the debt from your marriage, the court will use your financial affidavit to help decide these issues. (750 ILCS 5/503)

If the court needs to determine ongoing maintenance (750 ILCS 5/504) or child support (750 ILCS 5/505) , the court will need your financial affidavit.

If filling out a financial affidavit does not sound like your idea of a good time, make a point to get it done as soon as possible. The sooner you finish it, the less you have to worry about it. If you need help, Liza will be happy to schedule an appointment with you to work on it together.

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5 Tips for a More Peaceful Divorce

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 12:00:00 GMT

By Lindsey Arnold

Everybody is unique and therefore every divorce is unique. The way you decide to handle your divorce can make a world of difference.

Below is a list of tips for creating a more peaceful divorce.

1. Address emotional issues firs t.

At QLM, we know that divorce is a difficult time. Your divorce can be draining, emotionally and financially. We do our best to comfort and reassure our clients. Sometimes our client consultations feel more like a therapy session than a legal consultation. While we are happy that our clients feel comfortable sharing and being vulnerable in our office, we are not trained health and wellness counselors or therapists.

We do welcome such transparency. It helps us create a more meaningful professional relationship with our clients and gives us valuable insight into the case. Long-term, other avenues would better assist with such emotions and challenges. By addressing your emotional issues first, you will better be able to navigate through your divorce and be more productive in helping us assist you.

2. Communicate with your spouse.

Depending on your situation, this could be difficult. If domestic abuse is an issue, your safety and your children’s safety is number one priority. If such abuse is not your situation, communication can go a long way in creating a more peaceful divorce. Don’t blindside your spouse. Speak to them about wanting a divorce and that you are proceeding with an attorney. Giving them the respect of notice can prevent several arguments.

3. Always consider your children’s best interest.

This one might require a shift in your way of thinking. We as parents can become very territorial when it comes to our children. The idea of having to share your child and split time with another person can be scary. Try to remember that you did not create/adopt this child alone. Your child has a right to have a relationship with both parents.

Many parents see this part of divorce as a win-lose situation. That is not the case. Being supportive of the child and other parent’s relationship will create a more peaceful situation for everyone, especially your child. Even when the other parent is being stubborn or not compromising, do the right thing. Always put your child’s best interest first. Think of your child first, not your emotions.

Putting your child’s best interest first doesn’t always mean compromising, sometimes it’s safer to be more guarded or restrict parenting time with the other parent. When you meet with us, we will help evaluate your situation and approach your case in a way that addresses such issues if applicable.

4. Approach mediation openly.

In Illinois, mediation is used and often required for family law and divorce cases involving children. Click here to learn more about mediation. Many times, we see clients and opposing parties enter mediation with their mind already made up. Entering mediation with an open mind can save you time and money. Reaching even a partial agreement saves the attorneys’ time and effort in and out of court. Plus, working together now with your spouse will make it easier and set the foundation for you to come to agreements later on, after the divorce.

5. Prioritize what is important.

When making any decision in your divorce, ask yourself “Why do I want this?” Is it because it’s been in your family for ages, or is it because you did all the shopping during the marriage and picked it out at the store? Prioritizing what is important, whether it is property or a holiday parenting schedule will help you discover peace. Maybe Christmas Day is always celebrated on the 26 ^th with your side of the family, so it would make sense for the other parent to have Christmas Day every year. Thinking about the big picture can give you a peaceful divorce.

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What Remains is a House — A History of the Pace Family

Thu, 22 Feb 2018 08:00:00 GMT

By Sean Tolley

Whether recognized consciously or not, the history of a given place never stops informing that same place’s present tense existence.

In other words: You walk into the offices of Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC, and it’s instantly understood that the structure (the house) isn’t just old. It’s quality old – possessed of a sort of sturdiness that humbles the ambitions of the “McMansions” built later. The walls are thick, and though the floors may sometimes creak, they never give; the foundation, a work of bricklaying perfection. This house is 104 years old because it was built to be 104 years old.

Likewise, the woodwork, the fireplaces, the pocket doors – they all speak to the small town wealth, if not the significance of the builder, but do so by way of a simple, timeless elegance designed to still be admired 104 years later.

The original fireplace in the reception area at QLM

To the extent, then, that “timelessness” can be perceived as “perpetual relevance,” the overall affect of such craftsmanship and style is to immediately tease the visitor’s curiosity as to the identity of the builder. A clever, harmless ruse designed to help keep one’s name relevant even long after one’s soul has taken flight….

The Builder

Somewhere in this house, at five minutes past midnight, on the 23 ^rd of January, 1948, the soul of retired attorney and judge William T. Pace left his 94 year old body and began winging its own way to Eternity.

Thirty-four years earlier, when he and his wife, Emma, moved into their new home at 901 North Street, he was still a practicing lawyer engaged in a thriving career. His individual reputation as a first-rate jurist was set firmly in place by three terms as County Judge. He possessed no apparent plans to retire.

Indeed, in 1932, as he approached his 79 ^th birthday and his 55 ^th year at the bar in Jefferson County, he was appointed City Attorney for Mt. Vernon.

Of special significance, however, is the fact that the William T. Pace who built and occupied this house in 1914 was a man who was seven years into his tenure as the latest (and, according to his obituary, the last) “patriarch” of a sprawling family dynasty. This family not only connected the judge’s rapidly modernizing community to its origins as a pioneer village a century earlier, but its lineage also provided direct connection to the Revolution itself.

His Family

Long Story Short: Judge William T. Pace was the only surviving son of James M. Pace. (Judge Pace had a brother, Thomas, who died in infancy.) Judge Pace’s father, James M.Pace, was the oldest son of Harvey T. Pace, who was the oldest son of John M. Pace, who was the oldest son Joel Pace Sr., a Revolutionary War veteran. Joel Sr., the great-great grandfather of Judge Pace, like many Virginians in the years following the War for Independence, migrated west into Kentucky. There land was cheaply available to men like Joel and the three brothers who moved with him.

Men whose inheritance was minimal, if existent at all.

But it wasn’t Joel, Sr., who brought the family to Illinois. Rather, over the twenty years separating Joel’s move and the adulthood of his children, conditions changed in Kentucky. Land speculation and the expansion of the heavily-stratified Southern plantation (slave) economy in Kentucky not only made it difficult for the latest generation to establish themselves “at home,” but made staying difficult to justify at all. This was particularly true when just across the Ohio River in the still sparsely-populated Territory/State of Illinois land was readily available and cheap. Opportunities for farmers, laborers, and businessmen appeared to be endless.

The exterior of our office building, the former home of Judge and Mrs. William T. Pace

The Family Comes to Illinois

Thus, it was Joel’s twin sons, the uncles of Judge Pace, who first tested the waters in Illinois. Joel, Jr. and Joseph were 27 years of age and both veterans of the War of 1812. For Joel, Jr., the road to Mt. Vernon was hardly straight. Hired by a merchant from Vincennes, Indiana, to work as a salesman, he removed from Frankfort, Kentucky, and spent two years there. Unfortunately, his employer “abandoned himself to drink,” and so Joel, Jr., descended the Wabash and Ohio rivers to Shawneetown, Illinois. There he worked for riverside merchants Peoples & Kirkpatrick. It was while working in Shawneetown that Joel, Jr. made down-payment on 480 acres in Pope County on the 23 ^rd October 1818. Joel, Jr. made this investment in both his name and Joseph’s, though Joseph appears to have remained in Kentucky for the time being. However, they soon wound up defaulting as a result of Joel Jr.’s blossoming friendship with circuit court judge (and former representative in the Territorial Legislature) Thomas C. Browne, who lived in Shawneetown at the time. Thomas C. Browne had just received appointment as one of the first four justices on the Illinois Supreme Court. Browne recommended Joel for the position of county clerk for the newly organized county of Jefferson, which was carved out of Edwards and White counties. By the following spring, Joel Jr. had relocated to Mt. Vernon, which was then only twenty acres big and occupied by a handful of transplanted Southerners. Officials swore Joel Jr. in as county clerk, a position he held until 1837. Joel Jr. purchased acreage north of town at what is now the former site of Good Samaritan Hospital. He entered into mercantile business with Isaac Casey ( Zadok Casey ‘s older brother), and hired his own twin brother to survey roads in the new county.

Over the next several years, most of the rest of the Pace family followed to Illinois. Joel, Sr. and his oldest son, John M., the father of Judge Pace, settled land just west of Casey Fork in Dodds Township. Already in his late fifties when he moved, Joel, Sr. quietly farmed a small parcel until his death on 31st August 1831, aged 69 years. His wife, Mary (who, between 1783 and 1811, gave birth to fifteen children, including two sets of twins), survived Joel by eighteen years. She died at the age of 85 – no small feat in the middle of the nineteenth century, particularly considering she was “crippled in her old age by a fall from a horse.”

Both are buried in Pace Cemetery…

…which brings us back to the judge, William T. Pace.

Specifically, it brings us to his wife, Emma, who died at Jefferson Memorial Hospital on February 22, 1948 – almost exactly one month after her husband’s passing.

Emma Pace and the D.A.R.

On Memorial Day, 1922, members of the local Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution (D.A.R.) gathered with friends and family. They met near the rear of Pace Cemetery and held services at the grave of Private Joel Pace, Sr. The members of the D.A.R. chapter, led by organizing regent Mrs. William T. Pace, had named their chapter for Joel Pace, Sr. Approximately one acre of uneven ground hiding behind a break in the trees adjacent to the northeast corner of Bethel Cemetery , the old Pace burial ground was, even then, nearing full capacity. (As of this writing, only two new burials have broken the soil in Pace Cemetery in the last fifty years.) The gathering huddled closely among the tilting rows of eroding stones, many of which have now long since fallen or disappeared. At their feet, in a row, from right to left, Joel, Sr., Mary, John M. and his wife Hannah all lie buried facing the east. So the morning sun warmed the necks of those attending as it appeared over the tops of the trees and seemed to listen in as the otherwise ordinary life of a farmer was recounted as noteworthy.

Thus can the simple act of storytelling, like a well built house, deliver a man (or woman) to timelessness – a fact about which Emma Pace seemed keenly aware.

The “quality-old” pocket doors leading into the conference room at QLM

William and Emma had no children, which potentially left their story (their legacy) adrift and subject to the whims of generational amnesia. All spiritual connotations aside, anxieties about the “afterlife” are partially made bearable by the prospect that one will be remembered in this world. For many of us, this prospect lies in the hands of our children, who will, in time, become our biographers.

But for William and Emma…?

One begins to suspect the DuQuoin native (born Emma May Dry) of a sense of perspective bordering on clairvoyance. As if she knew that in the void left by having no surviving heirs, her best chance of preserving the combined legacy of herself and her husband for the future was to attach it to the past. Beyond a generation, her husband’s personal career would largely be the province of trivia for the local bar association. His career otherwise buried in whatever records might survive. The Paces were of the generation who remembered the 1888 tornado that leveled much of the town, including the courthouse. Between Mother Nature and human error, they knew that the survival of documents and records wasn’t to be taken for granted. To the extent, however, that both William and Emma could find some lasting remembrance/relevance through the organizing and naming of the local D.A.R…..

But everything changes, doesn’t it?

The Joel Pace Chapter of the D.A.R. no longer exists. The current membership, organized in 2011, calls itself the Old Goshen Trail Chapter. Not a single Pace descendant numbers among them.

What remains is a house, very likely as reflective of the aesthetic tastes of Emma as it is the past local prominence of William.

A Clever and Harmless Ruse: Everything changes, but as one stands in the foyer of Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC, the afternoon sun filtering in through the beveled windows near the staircase and warming your neck, one can’t help wondering about the builder….

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How to Save Money on Your Divorce: Personal Property

Fri, 02 Feb 2018 16:40:00 GMT

For some of our clients, money is no object when it comes to their representation. However, the majority of our clients have at least some concern regarding how they will afford our legal services. While the simplest of divorces can come in under $1000 including filing fees, most cases are not that simple. When lawyers have to spend more time sorting out the issues and facts, the cost of a divorce rises. If you are someone who needs or wants to save money on your divorce, here are my top tips on how to save money on your divorce. This post concerns personal property. In future posts, I will cover real property, debts, and other assorted ideas to save you money on your divorce.

What is Personal Property?

Personal property is most of the “stuff’ you own. Cars, furniture, appliances, home furnishings, horses, tools, clothes, and jewelry all fall in the category of personal property. For most people, their personal property is the contents of their home, their garage and any storage units they may have.

This little guy is not worth fighting over in your divorce. Buy a new one instead.

What is not personal property? Your house and any other real estate you own are considered “real property.” Retirement accounts and investment accounts do not fall under the personal property category either.

Marital vs. Non-Marital — Ours vs. Mine

If you owned an item before marriage, Illinois law considers it your non-marital property. Also gifts given specifically to you , as opposed to you as a couple, qualify as non-marital property. What’s so great about non-martial property? If you can prove it is non-marital, you get to keep it. In most situations, you will not have to prove that your property is non-marital because your spouse will agree that it is yours. Sometimes, however, a spouse does not agree on a designation of an item as non-marital property. In that situation, you need to have some type of proof that the property qualifies as non-marital.

Taking Stock

The first step to saving money on the personal property portion of your divorce is taking stock of what you own. Make an inventory. Shoot a video. Create a spreadsheet. You have many options on how to do this.

The best time to do this is when you are still in the phase of just thinking of the divorce before you move out or your spouse moves out. If your spouse moves out, he or she will be taking at least some items and you may have a hard time remembering or knowing what those were. If you are the one to move out, you have multiplied the difficulty of this task because now you are working from memory.

Pros and Cons of Different Ways to Take Stock

Because your goal in recording what personal property you own is to save money in your divorce, you need to consider the pros and cons to each method of making a record of your personal property. For instance, making a video is an easy method of recording your personal property. You can walk from room to room with your cell phone and shoot videos while you narrate relevant details. This works wonderfully when you need something fast. Unfortunately, you will not save any money if you just make the video and hand it over to your attorney.

Video

So what do you do? Take the video. Narrate while recording the video regarding relevant details that will help you later. Open drawers and closets to shoot the contents. Zoom in on important information that could affect values such as model numbers. Then use that video to help you make an inventory in a word processing document or spreadsheet.

Word Processing Documents and Spreadsheets

The obvious con to word processing documents and spreadsheets is that they take a lot more time than a video. But in the long run, that con is actually their biggest advantage. The time you spend creating this document or spreadsheet drastically reduces the amount of time that your attorney or her staff has to spend working on a list of your property. When you can provide your attorney with a file that they can access and work with, you have saved them lots of time and yourself lots of money.

Handwritten Lists

Although you can provide us with a handwritten list, this is not going to save us as much time as a word processing document or spreadsheet. We recently had a case with a handwritten list and although we managed to make it work quite well all the way through the hearing in the case, the day came when we needed to prepare a proposed judgment to submit to the judge. At that point, we just could not use the handwritten list anymore. We had to take the time to type up the handwritten list to add to the judgment. If we had a word processing document or spreadsheet, we could have added the same information with just a few keystrokes.

Call Us to Use Our Computer

More and more frequently, our clients access their digital world through their phones. Some clients don’t have a desktop or laptop computer. They have the skills to create a digital record of their belongings but not the hardware. If this is you, talk to us. We can schedule a time for you to use one of our computers in our office so that you can make your list. (This is definitely not something every attorney’s office would be willing to do, but we are happy to try to make it work.)

Focus

Unless you are an extreme minimalist , you probably won’t have time to add every item that you own to your list. You would not want to do that anyway if your goal is to save money. The more items that your attorneys have to haggle over, the more it will cost you and your spouse. (If you are ordered to pay your spouse’s attorney’s fees, it is now costing you double.) For that reason, you need to focus on the things that are worth a lot of money and the things that money can’t buy. Also, focus on those items that are not very familiar to you.

Worth a Lot of Money and Money Can’t Buy

Most people have a pretty good idea what is worth a lot of money. Vehicles, electronics, tools, some hobby items, appliances, certain furniture pieces. If you are trying to save money on the personal property portion of the divorce, it makes sense to focus on those things that cost big bucks when you bought them and retained their value pretty well. You will save money just replacing items that can be replaced at a small cost, instead of hiring your attorney to fight for them. There is an exception though. Sometimes there are items that money can’t buy. Family photos, sentimental items, baptismal gowns that were your baby’s. Only you can know what those items are worth to you. There might be some things whose value to you far exceed the attorney’s fees expended to have them returned.

Family photos in the courts where we practice tend to be handled one of two ways. Either the parties split the photos or copies are made of the photos. If copies are made, the cost can be split between the parties or one party can be assigned to pay. The age of digital photos is making this much easier because copying digital pictures usually only involves the cost of providing a flash drive or external hard drive.

It’s Hard to Ask for What You Can’t Name

Pay close attention in your documentation process to the items that are valuable but you do not know anything about. For example, if you husband has a shop full of power tools but you cannot name anything other than the drill and circular saw, it might be worth your while to spend extra time taking pictures or videos of these items. Close-ups on the items and the brand names can be helpful when you try to come up with values for these items. But, you do not want any of these items, you say? That’s ok. When we are trying to sort out property we are looking for an equitable division of values. So the fact that your car is worth $3,000 more than his truck might be able to be balanced out with his man cave full of high quality tools. Hobby items are another area in which one spouse might be heavily invested and the other spouse clueless.

In general, don’t worry about clothing. Generally each party is awarded his or her own clothing and the value of this is not an issue. (This is not to say that it could not become an issue. If you think this could be an issue in your case, let us know.)

You Can’t Take It With You … No, Sometimes You Really Can

So why are people arguing over the dish towels? It’s probably not really about the dish towels. There are a lot of emotions that need to be processed in a divorce. If you are trying to save money in your divorce, take a deep breath and channel Mr. Spock , the fully logical Vulcan from Star Trek. Although Mr. Spock can’t be a good guide for your entire divorce process, he might just be the voice of reason that you need for dividing your personal property.

Pick Your Battles … And Your Bakeware Wisely

The person who stays in the home usually ends up with most of the stuff. It’s not a law, just a law of nature. Similar to Newton’s First Law of Motion, an object in a house tends to stay in a house unless someone acts on that object to take it out. I’m not talking big ticket items here. I am referring to the random ordinary stuff that fills our homes. Sometimes leaving all that stuff behind can be a huge relief. Other times you just need a pot holder to take a hot casserole dish out of the oven. And you need the casserole dish to put in the oven in the first place. You get the picture.

If you are going to be the one leaving, plan ahead. Pack what you will need. Pack what is clearly and obviously yours. Just be reasonable. In the same way that the spouse in the house does not need ALL of the dish towels, pot holders, and dishes, you don’t either. Of these types of general items, the least amount that you need or half is a good amount to shoot for. Try not to take the other person’s favorite things if you can help it. If you are trying to save money, you are trying NOT to start World War III over the personal property.

Agreement, the Great Saver of Time and Money

If you can get along with your spouse well enough to split the personal property yourselves, with no interference help from the attorneys, go for it! This can be a great way to save lots of money on attorneys’ fees. Agree to as much as you can. If you have a few items left in dispute, those might be worth your while to bring to your lawyers. Just remember the parable of the dish towels, plastic food storage containers and garden gnome that I told you.

The post How to Save Money on Your Divorce: Personal Property appeared first on Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC .

What to Expect When You Call Our Office for a Consultation

Thu, 18 Jan 2018 22:16:00 GMT

by Liza Talbert

I do not come from a legal background. For 15 years, I was a hairstylist. I can completely understand anyone’s reluctance to call a lawyer for a consultation. It’s already overwhelming and stressful to be dealing with a divorce or custody or criminal issue. To think about meeting with a lawyer is even more intimidating.

As the receptionist and legal assistant at Quinn Law & Mediation, LLC, I will empathetically and patiently listen to your story. I will encourage you for taking a difficult first step. Having worked here for almost three years, I can proudly tell you that our goal is to make you feel comfortable. We want your experience with us to be as productive and positive as it can be. When you call for a consultation, you will speak with me. People from all walks of life call our law firm and we treat everyone on an individual basis and with respect. We also strive to work within your financial means.

I’m very proud to work for an organization that is not only very experienced and qualified but which operates with integrity and your best interest in mind! I would be more than happy to schedule a consultation for you. When you come to meet with us, I would suggest you bring along any documentation (legal or otherwise) you find pertinent to your situation.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

Our clients enjoy our comfortable reception area.

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Frequently Asked Family Law Questions

Wed, 06 Dec 2017 23:32:00 GMT

Lindsey Arnold

Here to kick off our brand new blog is our law clerk Lindsey Arnold. She has summarized the answers to the frequently asked family law questions that we hear most in our practice. This is an excellent place to start if you have questions about the divorce or family law process. She has included some excellent links for people who want to dig in and do some research.

Scroll down for the answers to these questions:

1. What is a no-fault divorce?

As of January 2016, Illinois eliminated all fault-based grounds for dissolution. This means grounds such as infidelity and mental cruelty are no longer viable grounds for divorce. Now the only grounds for divorce is irreconcilable differences.

2. How do I know when my next court date is?

Most Illinois counties use a system called Judici . This is a public database used by the courts to track what happens in your case. It is very user friendly, you can search by county and name.

If you are our client, you can log in to our client portal at My Case and find your court date quickly and easily.

3. How is child support calculated?

Previously, Illinois used a percent of the non-custodial parent’s income to determine child support. As of July 2017, Illinois now uses an income shares child support guideline, which takes several factors into consideration. To get a general idea of how much child support should be awarded in your case you can use the child support estimator found here .

4. What are the maintenance guidelines?

Currently, Illinois follows 750 ILCS 5/504 which states:

(A) The amount of maintenance under this paragraph (1) shall be calculated by taking 30% of the payor’s gross income minus 20% of the payee’s gross income. The amount calculated as maintenance, however, when added to the gross income of the payee, may not result in the payee receiving an amount that is in excess of 40% of the combined gross income of the parties.

(B) The duration of an award under this paragraph (1) shall be calculated by multiplying the length of the marriage at the time the action was commenced by whichever of the following factors applies: 5 years or less (.20); more than 5 years but less than 10 years (.40); 10 years or more but less than 15 years (.60); or 15 years or more but less than 20 years (.80). For a marriage of 20 or more years, the court, in its discretion, shall order either permanent maintenance or maintenance for a period equal to the length of the marriage.

5. What are parental decision-making responsibilities and parenting time?

These terms used to be referred to as custody and visitation. Parental decision-making responsibilities typically refers to the big life decisions like education, healthcare, extra- curricular activities and religion. These categories can be shared equally by both parents, one parent can have all decision-making responsibilities, or one parent can have sole healthcare decision-making responsibility while the other parent has sole education decision-making responsibility, etc.

Parenting time, just like it sounds, refers to the time each parent spends with the child(ren).

6. Which county do I file divorce in?

The county where you or your spouse currently reside. Occasionally it will make sense to file in a different county. If you think that is the case in your situation, talk to us about it and we will determine which venue in which to file.

7. Can we agree to a divorce?

Yes! Next to living in marital bliss, agreed to divorces are one of the best outcomes for a family, especially if children are involved. By working together to settle issues of child support, parenting time, marital property, and maintenance, parties are typically much happier with the outcome than leaving it for the courts to decide or taking months to come to an agreement.

A civil divorce can save families mountains of unnecessary stress and expenses.

8. Can I stop my divorce?

No. You ultimately cannot stop your divorce if your spouse is determined to divorce. The law contains provisions to request reconciliation and we would be happy to request that for you, but please know that it is not commonly awarded.

9. How do I get a divorce if I can’t contact my spouse?

If your spouse is missing or you are unable to contact them, you can still get divorced. This is called a Divorce by Publication.

10. Can my child’s other parent’s rights be terminated?

It depends. One parent cannot petition the court to terminate another parent’s rights. However, the court can terminate a parent’s rights in a juvenile case or concurrently with an adoption. It is unlikely for a judge to terminate parental rights, unless another person is adopting the child. It is possible for a parent to adopt their own child in some limited cases.

11. Can I withhold parenting time when the other parent isn’t paying child support?

No. Although emotions may be high, it is never advisable to withhold parenting time from the other parent solely for unpaid child support. Child support and parenting time are two separate issues. The parent is not earning the right to a relationship with his/her child by paying support but rather, it is your child’s right to have a relationship with both parents.

12. What if I can’t afford a divorce?

If your household is below or close to the poverty line, you might be eligible for free legal services from Land of Lincoln Legal Assistance. The application process can be found here :.

If Land of Lincoln is unable to help, you might qualify for a joint simplified divorce. If you and your spouse agree to the divorce, have been married less than eight years, have no real property (a house or other real estate), have no kids, each make less than $20,000 per year (less than $35,000 total per couple), and a few other factors, you can use the forms for a joint simplified divorce. These are available at the circuit clerk’s office or online.

If neither of those solutions apply to you, check back to our blog in the next week. Our attorney, Julie Quinn, will be doing a series on how to reduce the cost of your divorce .

Thank you for checking out our answers to the most frequently asked family law and divorce questions. If you have another general question about family law or divorce, comment on this post or contact us on our Facebook page, because we would love to do another blog post on this subject if there are still a lot of questions that you have.

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